Another Year Older but 4" Taller....

DD had her annual physical today.
Her birthday is in October but for some reason, we are now into having the physical in December (you know, health care plan rules - it must be 366 from the last annual so it keeps getting bumped).
Last year - between the ages of 4 and 5, she grew 4".
Since our last physical and now - where we are 6 years old and 2 months - we have grown 3 3/4" -- just shy of 4".
She is 51 3/4" tall.
The average size of a girl who is 8 years old and 2 months.

It is a fact that maternal grandfather was over 6 feet tall. But my mother was 5 feet, 3/4" tall.
It is a fact that DH (who is 6 feet) has a paternal aunt that, if asked her height, replies "I'm 5 feet, 13 1/2" tall".
So I should not be overly surprised.

Looks like DD has picked up the tall genes.
And the good news is she is healthy in all other ways right now.... knock on wood!!!!

Anyone know of a kindergarten basketball league so we can start working on that athletic scholarship??

Christmas Spirit is Alive and Well

Yesterday, we went to a local attraction (Edaville Railroad in Carver, Ma). DH, DD a friend of DD and her father also joined us to experience the lights and train ride. It was a rather chilly evening.

The girls (both 6) were SO excited when we got there. On the train ride, every different light display resulted in a "OH LOOK OVER HERE" and an "AWESOME".

My DD wanted a specific souvenir we had seen many children with. A multi color light up "sword". I didn't see them in the gift shop or anyway. I was standing with my DD alone and I stopped a man who had a young girl that was carrying the sword. I asked where he got it and how much it was. My fear was it was only available as part of the carnival games we saw around. He said there are vendors walking around - which I hadn't noticed - and it is $5. He asked if I only had the one girl. I said we have a friend with us too. He said if I couldn't find a vendor, if you go into the gift shop and ask at the counter, they do have them. I thanked him for the information and went back to talking to my DD - because I thought $5 was a bit much and I really *should* get two - one for our friend too. DD really wanted it and was trying to tell me what she could go without in order to get one.

Before DD and I could leave the spot we were standing in, the man comes over with two swords and says "Merry Christmas". I was touched. DD said thank you. I wished him Happy Holidays. He made my DD's day with that gift.

So, yes, Santa is there - and he shows himself when you least expect it.

Patience

Patience.
I was told from a young age that I don't have any. At times, I will agree with that statement. (Especially at say the grocery store. There is something about that place that gets under my skin.)
I was told by a very significant person in my life that I should not become a teacher and that I should never have kids because that person told me I had no patience.

Here is today's no patience story --
Today, DD - who is 6, mind you - and I assembled her new computer desk. DH had been fixing up the old computer so DD could have her own. We needed a place to put it and earlier this week, I headed to Ikea and found a pink computer workstation for her and also a pink chair. Well, on Tuesday, when I brought the boxes in the house, she was biting at the bit for the chair. She helped me put the chair together right then and was very, very happy with it.

Wednesday, I thought I would get it put together while she was at school. Instead, I hooked up with a friend of mine (and her little infant) and we did some chatting, some shopping and some lunching... :)
Thursday - Thanksgiving - DD wants to make her desk right away when she wakes up but we needed to pack up to go to Grammy's house. She said when we get home we can do it. DD fell asleep in the car on the way back and went right to bed.

So, now it is Friday. And after I go hit a couple "Black Friday" sales, I get coffee and have breakfast. I figure it is time - and DD is eager to help.

Assembling any type of furniture can be trying at times. I know I've used many swear words on other items that needed assembling in the past. But with DD helping - and being ever so cute as she tries - well, it went fine. I did think at one point how much patience this is taking -- as I wait for DD to try her plastic screwdriver and her plastic hammer on the pieces. It was cute. And she also got so excited figuring out what piece went where next.

(read this sarcastic please) Imagine how much more fun I could have had if only I could have been patient.

Another Sunday

And only relaxing really accomplished. It is hard to work all day, want to spend time with your child and get things done around the house. If something has to give, for me, then it's the house.
Life is to short to fret the dust.... And the clutter... And the Laundry....

So today is another Sunday - but I do have this week off of work. My company is VERY generous and gives us a half day on the day before Thanksgiving and then the entire Friday off too. It's great for "black friday" shopping!!

DD and I had sort of a dance session in the living room. I can't believe it but she knows the party dances from school - like the Macarena. In fact she knows them better then me. oh! I feel old! I haven't been dancing in YEARS and YEARS now and she's better than me.

We played a few different games and we just spent a little over an hour reading books. I am reading chapter books to her by Barbara Park about a character Junie B. Jones. These books are AWESOME! They make us both laugh.

well, off to eat something then I do have to run to get bread for tomorrow's peanut butter and jelly lunch! :)

Lazy Weekend

Two days off.
I left the house once to get coffee on Saturday.
And that is it.
I did get the latest clean laundry all folded and put away but that consisted more of DD's clothes than mine. Mine are still in baskets. someday there will be enough hours in the day.

I surprised DD with a game - Connect Four.
Little did I know she was a 6 year old hustler. I know they play at school - but she is GOOD.
We played Uno and DVD Disney Bingo.
And we watched KungFu Panda and Clone Wars a few times each :)

oh well, it was nice and relaxing.

Bad Blogger, Bad Blogger

Yes, I am a bad blogger.
I have not been here since the end of August. Life seems just crazy.
I think I'm just going to try to do posts of many little things.
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Today, my DD who is now 6 (can you believe that??) is sitting in the back of the mini van playing with two dolls. She is pretending school. I hear "There are 6 in the class" and that they are practicing for a singing show. Then all of a sudden, DD says "Mom??" -- Which if you have a 6 year old, you know sometimes hearing that just makes you want to change your name because they say it over, and over, and over, and over, and over....... well, you get the picture.
So I say "Yes, honey". And she responds "Mom, I love you."
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Christmas is like 40-something days away! UGHHHHHHHHHHHH
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Junie B. Jones is an awesome book series. If you have not checked it out, do so IMMEDIATELY!
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Last week, DD said she wanted to be a teacher when she grows up.
Yesterday it was President and she would call a meeting and tell everyone that everything is free except for cars (1 cent each) and houses (2 cents each).
Today, at school, they did an art project of what they wanted to be. Today it is a "Police Girl" that will catch all the bad guys.
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A few weeks ago, DD wanted to be a director and make up the stories like "Clone Wars" but with a different girl character. Then when I told her to tell her dad what she wanted to be and why, her answer was "a director so I can tell everyone what to do." :)
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My house is a mess - seems worst than usual. There is not enough hours in a day when you work full time. Oh why could i have been born rich instead of beautiful??? (okay, you can stop choking on that one now).

More to come -- sooner -- I promise.

Growing Up

Why do your children grow so fast?

I sit here - in two days, my daughter starts Kindergarten. She is staying at the same school as she did for Pre-K and day care so there is no change there. She has been at this place since she was 18 months old. We know the teachers, she is comfortable there. I feel secure with her there.

But here I am, thinking this is a GIANT MILESTONE in my little one's life.

She is growing so fast. She wanted her cut short - and it makes her look like she's 8 or 9! Well, until she smiles and she has no teeth - the other top tooth fell out a couple days ago. So we officially have no upper front teeth.

She acts so grown up. She puts things together you would never think of. She has started reading.

And today, as we did crafts, she turns to me and says "Is Santa Real?". Caught me off guard. My response "Well, what do you think? He brought you presents last Christmas, right?". She says yes and I think she is no longer questioning it. But I wonder what brought this up? Is she already doubting it on her own? We were watching a Scooby Doo movie (that had nothing to do with Christmas and doing Perler bead ornaments for family members for Christmas -- so perhaps that is why Christmas was on the mind.

Later this afternoon, I took her to the playground at the park. She played with a large group of kids - mostly older than her by a couple of years. The group consisted of all ethnic groups. I was proud watching her play with them because they were all children who wanted to play and nothing else matter. Just goes to show you prejudice is a learned trait.

My baby is growing up.

Creativity Feels GOOD!

It feels good to have the "creativity" juices flowing.
I have been scrapping again. I got a few pages done at home and today, I took a vaca day from work and went to a crop at the local shop with a friend. It really does feel good to be creative.

Search for colors. Look at designs. Play with layouts. And when you are done, you have an heirloom to remember something special by.

I'm working on pictures from our DisneyWorld trip in December 2007. I'm working on the autographs - I'm taking them out of the autograph book and scrapping them onto 8x8 pages along with photos, stickers, etc.

I wish I could find more time to go to crops. It was great to be creative and have fun with new scrapping friends.

Just a Weekend.

What a weekend!
We had our first Soccer practice/scrimmage. DD did great! No attitude when she missed or did not run as fast as the others. When the "guest" coach (the actual soccer player from Europe - Oh WHAT AN ACCENT!) asked basic questions, guess who answered them all? Yes, my "shy" DD. LOL
From there we went directly to a birthday swimming b-day party/afternoon. Our friend had two parties actually - one for the school friends, one for the family. We caught only the very end of the school party and then stayed for the family one (even helped move stuff back home in the van).
Needless to say, this meant we left the house at 11 am and got home at 8 pm.

Today, we had the Softball League "banquet" -- which was really a picnic since they had 356 girls participating in the league. Hamburgs, hotdogs, macaroni salad, pasta salad, chips and watermelon. And they charged $15 per person. Luckily, players are free and as an assistant coach, I got the second "team" free ticket. DD did not know there was going to be trophies. I wanted to surprise her. Of course, this almost backfired....
She was still exhausted from yesterday. And that meant she was miserable this morning. The picnic/banquet started at 11 am. I also have coverage for work and was working on problems from about 7:30 am to 10:20 am. So me feeling we have to rush (shower and still get ready) and her overtired, well, it was a horrible scene. She didn't want to go because she got a new Leapster game yesterday and she was so into playing it this morning. I told her some of her teammates would be there but she didn't care. I know it was overtired and trying to overcontrol -- but still. I told her there was a surprise at the banquet. Told her perhaps a present. When she saw the table of trophies she was a bit in awe and when she ever got hers, she was ecstatic! The smile was ear to ear.

We came home and she went into the pool while dad work outside.
I needed alone time.
Quiet time.
I had all intentions of going in the pool in a bit. I went into the bedroom, turned on the a/c, cooled off and thought I'd watch a show and then go outside - but I fell asleep.
When I awoke, she was done swimming.

I feel like I did not get "rest" time this weekend. Perhaps next weekend.....

5 Year Old Loses 5th Tooth.... At Camp

Yes, DD lost yet another tooth. In one year she has lost 5 teeth! DH seems concerned but I know I had lost several by the time I was her age also.

For some reason, this made me sad. I'm not sure why. Perhaps the lost of another tooth indicates that she is truly growing up and she's not my baby anymore. She is getting so tall that it is getting harder to snuggle with her in a chair. She must be over 50" tall now. She talks so well - has such deep thoughts at time. She has started reading (Mind you, she has not started Kindergarten yet). She even uses deductive reasoning.

Your kids grow up and it's supposed to be a good thing. But it does leave a sad spot.

"It's Okay, Don't Worry About It".... NOT

I heard myself utter these words the other day. And I really didn't mean it. But I didn't want the person to feel bad. But it hurts not to be remembered.

No wonder men have such a problem understanding us women.

I'm talking about my wedding anniversary. It was Friday. Last year, both hubby and I forgot the date. Life is just too hectic sometimes. When he realized he missed the date, I think he was ready for me to be mad but how could I? I had forgotten it too.

Perhaps forgotten is the wrong word. With life feeling hectic and days just blending one into another, I had not realized we were at August 15th.

This year, I did *notice* the date a couple days before. I went and got DH a card and a gift card. That morning, he says "Aren't you a day early? It's tomorrow, isn't it?" I tell him no. He apologizes for not having anything and I say "It's Okay, Don't Worry About It.".

Did I say it because I mean it? No, I said it to hide my hurt and to not make him feel worst than he already was. I could tell from his apology he felt bad about it.

Every person wants to be remembered. Be thought of. Not necessarily by a present but shown the thoughtfulness that makes a person feel special.

Too bad we can't just say that outright.

Tooth Number 4 - GONE - and other stuff

Yes, yet another tooth has left.
Thursday evening just before bed time, another of DD's tooth decided to come out. Boy oh boy - I give the Tooth Fairy credit. She probably has her route all laid out and then at 8pm, out comes another tooth for a boy or girl. Now she has to juggle her schedule to get to everyone that night. Glad I don't have her job.

I have been on vacation from work for a week and 1/2 and I really don't want to go back on Monday but unless I win the lottery tonight, I guess I won't have a choice. I should have married for money. It might not "buy" happiness but it could sure make things easier.

On vacation, DD, our good friend Kiki and her DD went away to NH to a yarn conference. We took a couple of classes and my DD behaved while I was in class. We also did Canobie Lake Park. That was a great day. It wasn't too hot or humid. There is an awesome breeze throughout the park. We got back mid-week but I still took days off of work. Of course I had visions of grandeur of things I could get done but all i have done is play with DD and take her places. I know - she is this age only once. And I waited so long for her that I want to spend time with her but then when do I get anything accomplished? I guess I just can't juggle well.

...and.... Another Tooth Bites the Dust

Tonite at 8:40pm, DD lost her 3rd tooth. it is on the bottom just like the last two.

With the first two she lost, the adult teeth had already cut thru her gums. They were visible so it was not noticible that she had lost any teeth.

However, this one, the new adult tooth is not showing and she is going to have a "hole" in her smile.

Now to wait for the tooth fairy to come tonite.... hope it's not too late for her to know about it!

Making time for kids & having to tag along

In 5 ½ years, my daughter has….

• Taken dance lessons for 2 years
• Performed in 3 dance recitals, including one in Hershey Park in Hershey, PA
• Taken a gymnastics class
• Taken swim classes
• Taken ice skating lessons
• Took part in Girls Instructional Softball
• Has been to Disney and stayed on the monorail (and we won’t be doing that again any time soon $$$$)
• Has been to Sesame Park in Langhorne, Pennsylvania 3 times

I sit here and realize she did more in 5 1/2 years than I did in my first 18 years of life.

And I do know why. My mom did not drive and she was busy with her life. Anytime I asked to become involved in something I was told either she couldn't drive me, it cost too much (which we definitely had middle-income for back in the 70's), or I would hear "You won't stick with it.".

I think I know the real reason. My mom was too busy figuring out her life she didn't want to be committed to something. She didn't want to commit the time to get me somewhere every week at a specific time. She wanted to keep her calendar open in case something came along. And though some my say I was spoiled rotten, I did not get what I wanted. I didn't get to do things I wanted.

Having your child involved in activities takes alot of time. Planning. Even what will we have for dinner because we have to be at the field at 6:00. You cannot put yourself first if your child is involved in something. Well, I guess you could and not have your child participate for every instance but then what is that showing them? It is okay to say "I'll do it" and then not. No, no, no. That would not be good.

So I have signed my DD up for whatever she has asked for and I bring her to everything. I'm glad she has interests and I hope she discovers something she really, truly, and deeply enjoys to continue with.

I have one bad habit with my DD. I always ask her if she wants to go with me out - like say shopping. If not, as long as DH is home (well, he's always home :) ) and awake, she can stay home. I believe this is also from my childhood. My mom did not drive. She had to walk everywhere. My dad worked 6 days a week as a mechanic. There was no one to watch me so I had to go everywhere with my mom. To the corner store, to unemployment when she got laid off, to her work (she cleaned houses for people), I even had to go with her to a bar when my parents separated. I didn't like it but there was no choice. And I believe on some level I hold a grudge about having to tag along everywhere. So therefore, if at all possible, I will ensure my DD wants to be with me and not just drag her with me.

Amazing how our childhood can affect us, eh?

Don't Intentions Count??

I have good intentions. I just don’t always finish what I plan.
For example, a friend of mine just had a baby on Monday. They had tried for a while to get pregnant again and when she finally let me know, I was so happy for her. She also has a five year old. So, I go right out for Congratulations on being Pregnant cards – one for the mom and dad and another card that I was going to add something about congratulations you are becoming a big sister. So that was 9 months ago.

The cards are still here. In my house. Waiting to be filled out.

Now intentions, the thought, is supposed to be what is good, important.
However, in this situation, the intended recipient had no clue I had “intentions”.

I used to be on top of things like that. Buy a card, write it out, get it in the mail. But now…

I’ll blame the mommy brain.

I find things all over the house. Things I bought for a specific person then totally forgot about the gift and why I bought it. Sometimes I do remember buying it but have no clue where I put it.

But my “intentions” were good. Really they were.

According to Webster’s, “intention” can be defined as what one intends to do or bring about. I intend so much.

I have projects – crochet ones, quilt ones – that were supposed to be for people like 8 years ago. I got all the supplies. Some I may have started, some I have not. But none are done and none of the intended recipients know I had thought of them.

I wish "intentions" counted for more.

If I only knew then what I know now....

THEN...
I would have ignored everyone in my life and I would have gone to college to be a teacher.
But I was told many times by a very significant person in my life that I would never be a good educator. That I didn't have patience. For children or for "teaching".

NOW....
Those who have seen me with my 5 year old tell me how much patience I have. I don't view it as "patience" as much as always trying to understand where my child is coming from. That is what I think I have - a knack to understand someone else. In this case, understand my child.

Last summer, I used up my vacation time at work by accompanying my daughters pre-K class on field trips once a week. I so loved the experience. It felt so rewarding. My daughters teacher seemed please to have me there. I would discipline if I blatantly saw something but otherwise I would just help out in the classroom until the bus arrived and then had fun on the trips themselves. One day I brought in a story to read. The kids loved it. And so did I. It is so nice when I child is looking up at you - respecting you because you earned their respect, enjoy laughing at you when you try to be funny, enjoy the fact you "listen" to what they have to say.

The past couple of months, I've been helping coach. Again, I really did love it. I didn't love making batting orders, field positions. I loved the interaction with the girls. Earning their respect. Having them say at practice "Yes! I'm with Coach Diane". It felt great.

So I think I have proved myself with children.

AND ALSO NOW....
At work, we are hiring interns. They need to be trained. One subject in particular is something I thoroughly enjoy working with. This product is awesome in my opinion and I was asked to take over the training since the woman that did it last year is no longer there. Of course I said yes - I love to get up and spiel and explain things that I know (alright, I'll admit it -- I really love sniffing those whiteboard markers ). But it has been quite awhile in my current job position since I have had the opportunity to train. So I asked for a "test group" to practice with before having the interns.

The first session was yesterday. The previous person covered 4 topics in like 4 hours. Well I'm only about 60% done with one topic and that took me 2 hours. And I will probably use up 2 more hours tomorrow. I may get to cover part of the second topic -- but I'm not guaranteeing it.

I was actually nervous about this training yesterday. The first 1/2 hour I could feel my heart beating in my chest. But then I got over it. One person in the test group - well, I saw him at lunch time today. He said it was the best training he has had and thinks everyone should have it. I told him about feeling my heart beating as I started the training. He said it didn't show.

So now the handful of "guinea pigs" I had for training have been talking around the department and people are ASKING to have my training. I cannot explain the sense of pride this is giving me. If you could only see the smile on my face as I type this!!

And I think this proves I would have been a good teacher. Again, I think it is the same thing that makes me good at this as it is with children -- the ability to understand where my audience is coming from. To be able to speak to them, not at them. To explain in basic terms and then expand on it so the point is understood.

So I am here tonight, needing to get DD to bed. Feeling very good about training and work.

And also feeling good because a good friend sent me a nice "thank you" note for just being there to listen to her lately.

It is nice to feel good.

I will miss you George

I heard it on the radio this morning and did not want to believe it. George Carlin died.


DH and I saw him live years ago and it was one of the best performances we ever went to. Everything George had to say was so true but he had a way of making you think another way about it. In fact, I saw he was scheduled to come to the area at the end of July and was going to ask DH to go (but getting him to go to anything with a crowd is major nowadays). And now George is gone.


If you haven't seen it, check out George's book "Brain droppings". It's sort of a blog of sorts before blogs were big. Brain droppings, miscellaneous ramblings. But he always had a point to make.

I always thought that if you could choose someone famous to have coffee and talk to, George was definitely on my list.

Time is flying

I can't believe its been a week since I was here. Since then....

• My DD graduated from Pre-K
• We had two birthday parties - one Saturday, one Sunday. Both were outside in like 90-something weather with like a 100% humidity. The air was miserable. But luckily both hosts brought out the hose and the kids had fun.
• We had the last 2 softball games for the regular season. Playoffs now. (Our team is all new girls. It's double elimination. I don't think we'll make many rounds. Other teams have girls that have played for 3 years. Then can hit very well, field very well, throw very well.)

Tomorrow, I'm hoping to be home ALONE so I can really accomplish some things. Like my clothes and lack of closet space... actually it's not a lack, I just don't have ANY closet of my own. I was hoping to use this small, small room as a walk-in but I don't have time to do anything with "Mom, Mom" every other minute. And a giant pile is in the bedroom and if I start to tackle it, then DH naps in the afternoon (due to the sleep apnea and the strong pain meds he has) so then I have to stop while I'm on a roll................. But first before I can begin, I must take DD to a practice for Softball. Then they will leave, I will go grab lunch and I want to hit one fabric store I never get to.... then it'll be CLEAN OUT THE "WALK IN CLOSET"

I'll ramble more later....

Receipt required for return....

That seems to be the new philosophy of stores. No returns without a receipt.

I work next to a major Discount store. Their policy is posted.
Returns within 90 days with Receipt accepted.

I shop there often usually during lunchtime. I'll buy DVD's when I find them on sale. I do not open them until I am going to watch them. This maybe something we shouldn't do -- let them sit there unopened. Monday night, went to open "The Princess Bride Anniversary Edition". I bought this awhile ago - maybe 3 weeks, maybe 3 months. The disc inside was purple but just loaded it in the player. Did not think twice about it. It didn't work. Looking at the disc again, the disc did not have a picture or even a title on it. In fact, all it said was TDK DVD-R. Looked like a disc you can buy to use when burning your own discs. Oh great - I was not positive which store I bought it at. But there was a good chance I did buy it at the store near work. I use their store charge card and get a 10% rebate occasionally. So I do tend to buy my DVD's there when on sale.

I mentioned my dilemma at work and a couple of co-workers were like -- "Good Luck with that! They are a pain to return things to.". Why did they say that? Personal experience -- they did try to return something -- BUT THEY DID NOT HAVE A RECEIPT. No. One person said he just wanted a different size but with no receipt, they did not accommodate.

Still, I figure I am going to try. However, my receipts are here, there, and everywhere. But I figured I'd go looking. Then it dawned on me. the sign in the store says if you don't have your receipt but have the charge card you used, they can find the "receipt" for you.

So at lunch today, I go to the store. I explain I buy DVD's on sale and that I'm 99% sure I bought it at that store but it might be months ago. I show the problem. She takes my store charge card, scans it. She scans the DVD and VOILA - there is the record that I did purchase that DVD at that store. Even exchange - no problem.

Why do people blame the system when they are not following the rules themselves? Look at how easy of a time I had because I went knowing the rules and followed them. Those that do not follow the rules then gripe when they can't get something accomplished. But the rules are there for a reason. It's not to just fill up a sign. They are the rules. How come so many people don't seem to understand that??

Presidential Politics (Sorry, long post.....)

...but it is important.
Since it seems this is all there is in the news lately, I figured I’d jump on the band wagon and express my opinion.

Your vote does not count. Sorry to break the news…. At least in presidential elections, that is.....

I think our fore-fathers would be rolling in their graves if they knew what was going on.
If they understood and knew about our technology today, they would abolish the Electoral College. It was an idea that made sense back in the 1700’s but not now. Not with the information highway and text messaging and websites on our phones.

The Electoral College, my understanding of it, was established in order to determine who was elected president. How could everyone get there vote to the capitol though? The United States was growing. There were no automobiles. No planes, no trains. So what do you do? Can’t have the whole community get in a wagon and ride to cast a vote. So you elect a delegate to go and place your vote for you. Decide how many delegates an area has by the population. The delegate is supposed to then go and place the vote for the candidate the people back home want. This way just the delegates could travel to the capital and there could be one meeting to count the votes and – ta-da – a new president is elected.

Fast forward – The year is 2000.
The national results of the presidential election according to Wikipedia.com –
George W. Bush received 50,456,002 votes by American Citizens.
Al Gore received 50,999,897 votes by the voting public.
So, based on the popular vote, Al Gore should have been sworn in as president.
But because of how the delegates are allocated across the country, George W. Bush was named president (Bush received 271 delegates while Gore received 266). So any body out there that voted for Al Gore, did your vote matter? No. Does that reflect your opinion, your choice? Nope.

Democracy? I don’t think so. My vote did not count in the scheme of things.

Now let’s look at present day.
The democrats are still trying to decide on a nominee. Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama are fighting it out. Should they be?
According to the individual votes – the popular votes – from the primaries so far, Obama is ahead (see www.realclearpolitics.com or www..usaelectionpolls.com ). What I found is this --

Popular Vote Total for Democratic Primary so far:
Obama == 17,535,458
Clinton == 17,493,836

Oh wait – maybe you heard Hillary say *she* has the lead in the popular vote. Well that is only if exclude the caucus states and just toss the opinion of the residents in these states away. Yes, ignore these states and then Hillary is ahead in the count. (Isn’t it amazing how you can look at numbers, exclude the ones you don’t like and then claim VICTORY!?).

But it goes by delegates. And according to the current delegate count for the states, Obama is ahead.

So how can Clinton believe she can win? Oh, there are now “super delegates” that can vote. They can decide to put Clinton in as the Democratic nominee to face McCain in November. The “super delegates” can claim they believe Clinton would be better for the Democratic Party then Obama.
Hmmmm, what about the popular votes?
The votes you and I cast at the primaries? The votes that are supposed to be used to put the candidate we want, we the American People, want in the election? Does our vote matter? Does it count if these “super delegates” can just basically veto our vote?

It is a shame that I sit here thinking my vote does not count. I do believe it matters in local politics. Yes, my vote is heard and reflected in who wins City Council or Governor in my state. Yes my vote is heard for my state’s senators and my state’s representative in the house.

But as for president, my vote does not matter. I live in RI where we get 4 measly electoral votes. The candidates don’t usually even stop here to campaign. Only 4 votes.

What would George Washington, Alexander Hamilton, Benjamin Franklin, James Madison and the rest of the “delegates” at the Constitutional convention in 1787 think???

Must Share Overheard Conversation of a 5 year Old

As I try to surf, DH is reading to DD from a Disney story book we borrowed.
The story of the "Aristocats" just mentioned that the butler decided to take the cats to TIMBUKTO.

I hear my 5 year old interrupt Daddy and ask "Where's TIMBUK-1?"


(Be sure to my other blog for today on TAGGING....)

I've been tagged

Okay, a friend "TAGGED" me. That's ok. I don't usually like junk mails and all that stuff but I thought this is a bit different. It's guided me to today's BLOG. Made me stop to think about a few facts in my life.

Here is how TAGGING works --
The rules:
*Post the rules before you give the facts.
*Post eight random facts about yourself.
*At the end of your blog post, you need to tag 3 people and list their names and their BLOG addresses.
*Leave the people you tagged a comment on their blog, letting them know that they've been tagged.

Unfortunately, I only know 2 people with BLOGs and one of them sent this to me. So, unfortunately, I'm going to TAG her right back! :) I hope you like this idea and spread the concept to your friends.

Here are my 8 RANDOM facts:
1) I LOVE CHOCOLATE. (I bet you're surprised)
2) I met my husband thru a personal ad in the newspaper. We had talked for several hours on the phone and then met in person. The spark was so strong.
3) I wish I had not listened to a certain person in my life and instead, followed my dream for the career I really wanted – to be a teacher.
4) I had started a “playing card” collection. Thought it would be neat. But then I had no place to keep the cards. So I thought “what good is this?”.
5) I love making gifts for others (crochet, quilts, etc) but, when it is finished, I have extreme anxiety that they will be overly critical of it and not like it. And I also start to think the gift has little value so I run out at the last minute and buy a nice gift too. (BTW, I have rarely finished any craft that is for myself.)
6) I LOVE the following TV Shows: The Simpsons, Fraiser, Family Guy
7) The hardest thing I have had to do in my adult life was taking my cat of 16 years and having him put down when he became too sick (BTW, this happened on my birthday in 2002 – one month before my daughter was born).
8) I became an aunt at the age of 6 and was punished by my first grade teacher for telling lies in school. Spent the day in the corner.


AND NOW FOR THE TAGGING:

I tag Weebles right back. See her blog at: http://ifionlyknewbetter.blogspot.com/

And I tag Kiki - also known as Kim - whose blog is out in Bingaland.... http://bingaland.blogspot.com/

Best made plans.... are not....

Sometimes going with the flow is better.
I had envisioned a weekend of accomplishing things. Nothing on my list is done.
The long weekend is over. But it was a fun time.

DD didn't even want to go to the parade. She wanted to go to the big playground at the local park. We went for almost 2 hours. Stopped for coffee and donuts and went and ate there. I brought softball paper work to do. But she made some friends, played around in the sun, got great exercise.

We got home and she went on the computer while I finished the softball work and watched "Fraiser" on DVD (how I love that show!!). Then she was willing to watch "The Muppet Show" (another of my favs) but I think it was because she just wanted to share time with me.

We played outside yesterday - catch and a bit of soccer. We played Uno (it's actually "My First Uno with Pooh" - it is only about 50 cards and just a wild card and draw 2 - no draw 4, no skips). We played Uno more today -- and I swear she inherited my mother's ability to play the game!!! I have not mentioned strategy to her at all - but she had saved 3 wild cards for the end of one game to ensure she could just go right out!!

How I wish I had even more time to spend like this with my daughter. She'll only be this age once. The messy house can just wait.

Last night as she went to bed - mind you, her bedroom is not "finished". There are baskets of laundry and buckets of storage stuff on one half. But last nite, as she was going to bed, she said "I love my room". I think she meant she loves the "love" in the house. And that is the only thing that needs not be "messy"! The rest of the mess just doesn't matter.

...and now the weekend is flying by too.

Here we are 1/2 way through the 3 day holiday weekend.
And where is here?
My plan had been to try to be alone in the house for one day and attempt to get a bunch of things accomplished.
But Saturday we had Softball practice then met our good friend for dinner and went around the mall. Got DD new sneakers - size 1 and she is 5 1/2 yrs old. That seems awfully big to me! Took our time, did the kids play area, did the jumpy mat. Got Auntie Anne's cinnamon pretzel sticks.

Sunday, DH slept late - very late -- and by the time he was done shower and all it was 1pm. Too late for him to head with DD to his mothers. In the morning DD and I played a little barbies (I hate playing barbies) and then I talked her into playing Uno (we have "My First Uno" deck - just a draw 2 card and a plain wild. Works great for learning!). I did enjoy that. then we started to watch a movie when DH was finally ready to face the day. I ran out for McD's and we ate outside - on our new table and under our new umbrella. Played a bit of catch with DD and now set up her Soccer/Hockey goal we had bought for Christmas and then forgot to pull it out on Christmas Eve. I just left them outside. I am so NOT a sun person. I had enough sun now. So in I came.

I know DH wants her to be more active but I can't stay out in the sun like that.

And for Monday's holiday - there's a parade not to far, and we missed the St. Patrick's Day one so I think we should go - but then that will shoot my idea of a day alone right out the window.

I wish I had more energy. I wish I didn't feel lost sometimes in depression. I wish I had more hours where I could be home doing things.

Where did the week go?

Time really does fly by. How does it do that?
How can it be Saturday already?

Today, we had a practice for softball. Another team was practicing too so we got together for a scrimmage. It was fun. But at first, I could feel my anxiety going right up -- why? Because I didn't have my Clipboard. I did not have a batting order list. I did not have a plan for who could play where in the field. I had to wing it. And wing it scares me. Why? I'm worried about being critiqued. Being judged - especially badly/poorly. If i spend an hour with my paper work and try the hardest I can and then someone questions it, I can say, "Hey, i go over this stuff and over it again. I'm trying to be fair all around and get everyone in every position. If you think you can do better, you do it." But today, I was winging it. I had spent no time preparing. Ok - I made it through. I got the the girls in different positions on the field. I remembered the batting order I made up. I had to let go the anxiety. I did it. It just was not easy to do.

Real Mothers Shouldn't Pump Gas...

I was so scared on Sunday.
We were on our way to a birthday party and I stopped for gas.
In the 5 1/2 years of my daughters life, you can count the number of times I've stopped at self serv gas stations with her in the car on your two hands. My fear has always been that if the printer was not working, I would have to go in to the store to get my receipt - and DD is in the car seat. I don't want to leave her in the car and it's a pain to bring her in.... So I have always tried to get gas when I'm alone.

I mentioned this to some friends recently who thought I was silly esp since DD is 5 1/2 now. So Sunday I stop with her in the car. And I think as I pull up to the pump -- open window (it was gorgeous out), leave CD playing (Disney songs we were singing), reach down to release the gas cap, get out with charge card, swipe card, start pumping. Sounds ok, right?

After about 2 gallons, the mini van starts moving. I can see DD is still in the back seat with her computer game. I try to remove the gas pump and it's stuck. I can't reach the door because the hose is between me and the door and I can't get the pump out!! And the van is still rolling!!!!!

I climb over the hose and try to reach the door.... I miss but get it on the second try, and open the door - and just as I am about to slam on the brake with my right foot, I hear this *bang*/*thud* sound. I think the rear fender has torn off the mini van or the hose has been pulled out of the pump and gas is spewing.

After pressing the brake, I see the problem -- I left the car in DRIVE! I throw the lever into park AND put on the parking brake. I think what an idiot I am. What was I thinking? I wasn't, obviously! How could I do that?? Leave it in gear like that???

So now, I look back. The van seems okay - the fender is in place. My gas cap went flying but I could still see it. And the hose -- about a 5 ft section of hose is lying on the ground. No gas is spewing - Thank God! They have this "break-away" valve!

There are several men at the pumps near me. All looking at me. I say I must not have put it in gear completely and it slipped out and that my daughter was in there which is why I was after the van, trying to stop it.

The manager came out. She was not really concerned because it is designed to handle it. No biggie - so it seems.

But I couldn't get over the feeling. Seeing the van moving, not able to stop it, knowing DD is in the back seat and the van is rolling to a major road (granted, there was a curb then a bit of a hill but still.....).

I go to another pump and finish filling the tank.
I get back in the car to head for the birthday party. I burst into tears.
DD is all concern, "Mom, wants the matter? Why are you sad?"
I tell her I'm not sad. I tell her that I was scared. She says, "But Mom, I'm ok. I had my seat belt on. I was safe."
I tell her I made a mistake and forgot to do something which is why the van started rolling away.
She says, "That's ok Mom, I still love you. You are a good mom."

Cherish the moments

I feel like I'm always on the go with DD. I work all day while she is at Pre-K. I pick her up after work and there is barely enough time nightly to spend time doing things with her. We have to have dinner, and bath, and read books. On weekends, it seems we need to visit relatives or we try to make plans with friends -- so it seems we are always on the go.

And now we have softball taking up time. Well, yesterday we did have a 1:30 softball game. It went until 3pm. DH had made plans to go to a movie with a friend he does not get to see often. DD wanted to do something. I tried calling one friend who was not home but then I decided to try for some "Mommy and Me" time. There are so many places I think of that I want to take her and never have time -- Bowling, Movies....

We went to an indoor golf place called "Monster Golf". It does have some scary decorations but nothing outrageous. Everything is glow in the dark and black lights. Of course she cheated like crazy to get the ball in the cup - but we had to wait until we could move to the next hole anyway so I let her take 7 or 8 tries.

Then we went to Friendleys for dinner. Just the two of us. Alone. In a booth. She made a lovely picture while we chatted. We ate our dinners and had ice cream. It was nice. It really made me feel good.

Slow down. Cherish the moments in Life. Remember your children are only this age once.

Family Fun Night - and parents....

I am thoroughly exhausted.
It is 9:30 pm. I have been on the go since I left the house at 8pm. Work, then out to dinner and back to the Pre-school for Family Fun Night! I offered to help - they asked parents to volunteer for 1/2 slots. I was in the arts and crafts room then I was able to go around with DD to the other rooms (Dance, Tattoo, Snack, Games, Bingo). It was fun. As DD said on the way out "That was a WILD Party!".... LOL

But my brain stops to ponder -- about people. Other parents.
I see some volunteer to help in the room. They do nothing. One woman in the game room just chatted with other parents - didn't try to lure kids into play. For example there was a "stick the ice cream topping on the ice cream cone" game. No one was even showing kids it was there. I looked at it with a friend and it looked like just 6 stickers could be used and they were not removable. Later while in the room, I noticed on the counter that there were PACKAGES of other sticker toppings - so yes, all the kids could have been trying that game. But the parents were physically there but not really there. Granted you could say they might not have received instruction -- but they are parents and should know how to wing it!!

As opposed to me. One of the assistants of one of the other classes was in the Crafts room. I asked what she wanted to do. She didn't know - said one of the teachers is doing it. But then she asks them and they tell her basically to just run the room.
One of the crafts was a white cardboard mask that could be decorated. There were boxes of markers. I suggested putting markers and masks on one table and let them just come in and make the masks. I put all the masks in the middle of the table.
The other craft was a foam picture frame. There were three different packages to choose from... One that had like 20 jellybeans, one that had about 8-10 flowers and one that had 10 ladybugs and each bug was 4 or 5 pieces! Well, that's alot of pieces for 3 to 6 year olds to do when there are other rooms and other stuff to do in the short time of the event. On top of that, in each package, you had to punch out the pieces. And then use glue and foam and glue just don't work well sometimes.
The person from the school in the room wanted to just put one package at each seat. I first suggested at least making 3 piles of packages in the middle of the table so kids could come in and choose.
The first girl to make a frame picked the ladybugs but only but 3 bugs on her frame so there were many, many pieces left over. I think - lets open up kits - open up all the pieces and let the kids mix and match the pieces! I start to do that and more people showed up and I think it seemed like the kids liked coming right in, sitting right down and start the craft -- instead of coming in, having to open the package, punch it all out, then put it together. To me, it seemed like common sense in order to make the activity fun and quick so kids move onto other areas.

Then the parents that sort of guide their child from room to room and then leave. Maybe spending a 1/2 hour at most to visit all the rooms. Not letting their child stop to play. I don't understand. This is a special event - it may become a yearly thing - who knows. But I know DD has been talking about this "Party" all week long.

And then there are the parents who have to be "adults". They can't let loose and enjoy the moment. Like dance with your 5 year old and not care who else is watching. In fact, a little boy in DD's class asked me to dance with him and I don't think in a million years his mother would do that in a situation like this - with people watching. Besides, she was too busy chatting with other mothers.

As for me, I chatted a bit, but I stayed with my daughter. I played Bingo when she asked me to, I danced, I helped with the arts and crafts -- even later when we went into the room to "visit" I still helped some kids out.

Children are our future. They will be the ones controlling the world someday. We have to invest in them - invest our time and energy.

I feel a parent is responsible for trying to raise a responsible human being. If you are not ready to do that, to help mold a person for a productive life, then don't have children. Just my 2 cents.

See "JUST STUFF" - number 4.....then read this...

And more on this co-worker....

The other night, after I was home, I emailed where the information could be located to the co-worker. I was going to just fix the problem but I thought maybe, just maybe if I let him Find the Info, Read the Info, and Do It Himself, he'll remember something about it in the future. At the last minute, I decided to CC my boss. Just so she was aware a problem was reported to our team blackberry/pager around 2:30 pm but at 9:30 pm, it may not have been resolved.

And I was right.... he didn't call anyone else. And it took two hours after my message went to the blackberry/pager before he got on to fix the problem. I was out of the office on Monday but I was told my boss searched around for information to verify if and when the problem was corrected.

I decided I would say nothing else to my boss regarding this issue.

Granted, the computer problem was not major - but you can't have a problem sit there for 7 hours until someone calls you or contacts you. There are other people you can check with.

Today, my boss calls the coworker into the office -- and from the person that sits closest to the office, she told me that the boss was letting him have it. Someone else overheard him trying to make excuses which the boss was quickly discounting.
He was quiet the rest of the day.

Perhaps, he has learned his lesson.....
and perhaps I'll be a size 5 in the morning......

Do Unto Others....

It is so true.
Be nice. Pay It Forward.

Yesterday, as I drop off DD at Pre-K, a friend is dropping off her DD. Told her I had the day off and was planning on shopping. No place real exciting. But I added that I was going to go out for breakfast. Her eyes lit up so I said "Wanna come along?". So we went together. And it was great to be able to chat without two 5-year olds going "Mom" "mom" "MOM".....

When the bill came, I said I'd treat. Consider it a Mother's Day gift (besides the 5 year old, she is expecting in about 8 weeks and has had a very hard pregnancy).

Today, I go to lunch with another friend. We split a pizza and have salads. When it's time to pay, she says she's got it. So I said "Is this my mother's day gift?" and she said yes.

So remember to treat others nice and get nice treatment in return.

(MORE) Just Stuff.....

So I'm all settled in for the evening after my day of shop-til-you-drop (and mind you, I did not go hog wild. I was very conservative on what I did buy but it's the fun of the search that is good too!) and I send an email to the Softball Coach I've been assisting. He also coaches Soccer and DD has decided that is her next adventure. I wanted to know about cleats -- what is the difference between baseball cleats and soccer ones. etc. etc.....

He answers me back and then ads "I won't make the meeting tonight...." - UGH! I said I was going and I forgot all about it! And now he can't make it and someone *should* represent our team (though out of 11 instructional teams, only 4 teams were represented). It is 6:55 pm so I throw my jeans back on and go flying across town -- and I get there like 7:05 -- but the meeting room is empty, there are not that many cars in the lot. Hmmm.

I think let me call home and ask DH to check the website. No phone. Left it on the counter. Darn it! So I drive back home. And the meeting is today but at 8pm, not 7pm.
So I eat supper and off I go again.... And the meeting lasts like an hour and 15 mins and I'm exhausted but I'm sort of wound up.

I cannot believe I --

• forgot about the meeting
• Misread the time
• forgot my cell phone

I'm just lucky my

**MOMMY BRAIN**

is attached or I'd leave home without it!!

Just Stuff....

1) SHOPPING. Today was a "badly needed" Monday. I took the day off of work - and Shopped, Shopped, and Shopped.
All those places you want to go browse, the sales you think you want to hit, -- the things you just don't have time for.
I feel much better. It really is therapeutic. I don't know if most people can understand that. B.C. (Before Child) I would do that practically every Saturday. Have a small list of places with dreams of other places I wanted to go. Sometimes I go alone, sometimes I'd call my mother , sometimes it was with a few friends and we went a farther distance too. But it was no schedule, just go, go, go. And that is what I did today.

2) Mother's Day. It was just another day really. DD could not WAIT to give me my gift she made me at school. DH gave me a lovely card. We have been over-due a visit to the mother-in-laws so we went (we haven't gone the past couple of Mothers day because DD and DH were there usually the Saturday before Mothers day -- but Saturday was a birthday party so they did not go).
We did stop at the beach before going to MIL's house. That was really nice as DH tried to teach DD how to "tease the wave". And I was craving some clam cakes and chowder so we stopped, I bought a huge batch and we brought it over. It was a good visit - it was not as stressful as Easter felt.

3) Time. Where does it go? It seems just like yesterday DD was a wee baby. Here she is - 5 1/2 now. She is 49 inches tall (which is an average 7-8 yr old). Sometimes she is so funny, so amazing. For example, stopped at local ice cream place. Her favorite - a Tutti Fruitti Lemonade. As we are driving back home, I inquire "How is your Tutti Fruitti?". the reply - "It is just the way I like my Tutti Fruitti!". And yesterday, as we went to go see DH's Nana in the nursing home and had the great-niece with us (who is 5 months old) who started to cry in the car, DD said "I really wish we had brought the binky!". I do wish I could just freeze moments in time. They are so short, so fleeting.

4) Frustrations at Work. I'm fed up with one co-worker in particular. here he is - getting paid what I get paid. He could actually be making slightly more than me because he's been there a couple years more. He falls asleep 85% of the days for a good 1/2 hour. He talks on the phone with his "girlfriend" that is in the midwest for 40 mins to an hour. Why? She calls in on the toll free line. They have discussed schools for their son, they have discussed every single transaction made on the bank account, they have discussed movies, passports, basketball stars. Gee, maybe DH should call me during the day so we can chat and plan our daughters future!! NO, no, no.... I'll wait until after hours -- when my husband looses his energy and can barely stay awake to talk to me after dinner. this coworker will also not look up anything on his own and no matter how much i try to document things, he will not use the documentation. Just wait for someone to do it when we are at work.
So this weekend, this coworker had coverage (beeper/pager what ever you want to call it). He called and missed me as I was out doing errands before a b-day party. Then my boss called about 40 mins later -- just to confirm if this problem was similar to one the previous week.
On mother's day, we left around 12 noon and got in about 9:30 pm. There was a message on the answering machine (remind me to tell you about why I think I should get rid of this thing someday!) from the coworker. Called like 2:30 pm with a problem. Said he "searched the Internet" and couldn't figure out what to do. Said it couldn't be too big a problem since things seem to be working.
Well, the info on how to fix this is in two places on our system at work. Including what we call the "Information document". UGHHHHHH....
Of course, I have pointed all these things out. But to no avail. someone told me the manager is on top of everything - yet, here the coworker is still slacking and nothing is happening.
I have also asked to have my seat moved because he sits right next to me and seeing him slack all the time is driving me crazy!!!!

I will end this for now.

National Tear Day? I wonder

It was one of those days. Felt very emotional, on the edge. And, no, it is not PMS.
Feed up with alot of aspects of Life - things at work, personal things. Never seem to get ahead. Try to be responsible at work and then panic at things - this of course while others sleep at their desk or take a 1/2 hour long distance phone call twice a day.
So I spent a couple of hours this morning just trying to hold it together, to not just be crying.
I get thru the day. I go to pick up DD at Pre-kindergarten/day care.
Find out she also has been quick to tears ALL day too.
So, is it in the air or what?

One thing that is weighing on the back of my brain is the fact my counselor of years moved to another state. It is just short of an hour from my house. But with the schedule as it is, the only day I could feasibly go is on a Saturday. So then if something comes up and i need to reschedule, it's a whole week before i can go again.
She used to be down the street from work. I'd go at lunch time, get everything out, feel like I let it all go and go back to work -- not taking anything away from my motherhood duties. But the distance just was not going to work. So this past Saturday, I told her I would have to find someone more local.
She totally understood. But starting over is scary. And there was only one person she personally knew that she could recommend - but that person only has hours a couple days a week. ugh - I'm not looking forward to starting over.

She also told me she was proud of me. How far I've come in the time she has known me. How she admires my strength, how strong I am. How large of a heart I have. Gee, even as I write this, tears are flowing. I'm not strong. I feel like I'm on the edge, on the fragile fence and can fall over at any time. I try to just do, to do for my daughter. And I keep on going for her. And as soon as she is in bed, I feel myself shut down. The depression seems to grow without her smiley face right there.
One day, my counselor complemented me on my work outfit, how i look "together". I laughed, explained how i make sure my clothes are machine wash tumble dry and how this stuff was pulled from a pile and i shook out the wrinkles. I can pull myself together when I 'have to' but inside I don't feel together.

I guess that is what is getting me - being called "proud" and told she "admired" my strength. Because I don't feel strong.
And being called strong makes me realize how un-strong I am.

The way to make Memories

Today is gorgeous out. About 65, maybe 70. Sun is shining, no rain, few clouds.
We are trying something new with DD's bicycle. See, we had training wheels on it but she has bent 3 pairs. She is leaning on one side and since she is a very tall 5 year old, she is also more heavy and she leans hard and ends up bending - and braking the training wheels. I found something called a "Balance Buddy". You can see it on Amazon.com if you like.

Basically it's a large handle you attach to the back wheel. The parents then help guide the bike upright while the child can learn - and trust - their own balance. And, after using it, I have to totally agree with the reviews posted on Amazon.... This item ROCKS!

DH was feeling well today also. We put the bar on the bike but at first, DD was very hesitant. She has a perfectionist gene and if she can't do it in a minute she wants to give up. But some how, he convinced her we could take the bike down to the big, flat lot at the school down the street. And after a few attempts, Daddy was not holding on. Guiding perhaps at time but she was doing it. She doesn't believe Daddy let go -- but I took movies. She is acting very proud of herself - and we are proud too.

But while at the school, there is a playground. We stayed there a bit too. First, she made friends with a little boy that was there with his aunt. Then when he left, she and Daddy climbed the rock wall together. And there is this piece that is under the slide - sort of looks like the walk up window at an ice cream shop. So she loves to play restaurant. I didn't participate much. I'm not feeling so well today. But Daddy was up to playing and it was fun to watch. She put him "in jail" for shouting from a pretend window.... LOL it was funny. Great memories in the making.

And Dad was in rare form. The man I fell in love with was there today. Funny, going with the moment, enjoying life. How I've missed that man.

I have to be careful. Days like this makes me assume there can be more like this. Maybe assume is the wrong word... HOPE is probably what it is like. Then, the weather changes, and his pain is back and it seems 10-fold and I get depressed because that fun man is gone. I can't "expect" days like today with his health. I need to learn to just accept the day, to cherish it and not to be dissappointed if it does not happen again for awhile.

From Parent on-looker to Softball Coach

Sometimes I wonder what I'm thinking. With everything I already have on my plate --
I volunteered to help my daughters Instructional Softball team. There had been a second coach at the first practice but he seems to have disappeared. The guy that is the head coach is doing a great job but as I watched him on Tuesday, trying to keep 12 girls paying attention, doing this all by himself, I thought about the "game".

They are "games" in the sense we will have another team there but in Instructional, they will not keep score. I'm thinking that as the batter is batting, the rest of the girls are on the bench.... and the vision I had was just not good. Imagine 11 girls, aged 5 to 8, sitting there -- or should I say not sitting there.

I recalled all the years I went to watch my nephew and niece play ball (they are now 28 and 26) that the assistant coach or the manager kept the bench "under control". So I offered. And on Friday, I'm off to the Police Station for a BCI (background) check.

I know I would be at the field for all the practices and games anyway but I was thinking I could crochet or make phone calls. But one adult can't do it alone.

Of course, I have never played myself. I'm not athletic in the least but I'm a good cheerleader and keep the girls on their toes and under control.

Wish me Luck!

Later Sunday and feeling better (some)....

Okay, maybe my previous post was a bit more emotionally generated than rational.
Things from work are over - for now at least.
DD wanted to play some Webkinz and we also played Littlest Pet shop. She has been in the tub for some time (is there a limit when letting them play in the tub is a bad mother thing to do?? I had to refill and add hot water once already)
I relaxed with some episodes of Fraiser. And I just played some Webkinz games to earn webkinz dollars.

I should be getting ready to go to a quilt guild meeting but I'm not in the mood. and one of my good friends is definitely not going. So I don't want to now either.

I should be making dinner but I'm craving a spinach pie from the pizza place.

I should be doing laundry - folding already done laundry - but instead I'm here online.

I really should go wash DD's hair and get her out of the tub. She might be a size smaller from "pruning" up in the water.....

TTFN

Sunday + Coverage = STRESS

Okay, I probably should wait to write until I don't feel the stress but....

I have the pager for work. Background: My area at work is sort of split between mainframe computer and pc/server computer products. I have argued for years that we should have 2 pagers because since my expertise is on the mainframe and I cannot even log onto a pc/server, that it seems silly for me to "provide coverage" for the pc side. I'm told the pc people feel the same as I do in regards to the mainframe. But, I have always been told we work together as a team and you just call a co-worker. Guess what - the two people I called that could definitely handle the problem were not home. This was my nightmare come true. Now what?

I called my supervisor. Tells me to check something else. I don't have the tool - never even heard of it. So I guess I can't get on to look, eh?

Thankfully, I tried an alternate number for one person and the spouse gave me the in-laws number where the person was. Fine, problem is under control (and I don't (can't) do any more).

But why the stress - besides what I just listed??
Everyone, everything here in the house.
My 5 year old wants to play, wants lunch. "Mom.....Mom...." - which of course as my anxiety goes up, I snap. That triggers the "guilty Mom feelings". I tell her call her father if she needs something. I HAVE TO WORK. I have to be the one to bring the money in for the bills. I CANNOT let it slide. I have to try my best at this job just in case something changes in the future and they want to eliminate jobs or things.

Then DH - I'm sure he thought it was a help - after making DD's sandwich -- comes by -- as I'm tense as can be at the computer with the phone in one ear and I'm trying to text out on the blackberry/pager -- and tries to snuggle and rub my shoulders. I push him away and I'm sure he is crushed by this because he is so fragile about things like this. Just like one night this week, I got paged as he came to bed and he wanted to snuggle as the thing was going off. I pushed him as "get off of me" and I'm sure he took it personally.

But is it such a stretch to understand how much my job stresses me in times like this? How not being sure I'll be able to handle the problem will result in my failure? and how putting me in a situation that I can only react to because i do not have time to explain makes me a nervous wreck because of how fragile he can be about things? You know, I didn't think he was so fragile but his counselors seem to so what should I believe? Ignore them then if something happens I'll be blaming myself?? Or just try to deal and remember he can be that fragile on this stuff and stress about it all the time?

I don't know where I stand sometimes.
Not home.
Not work.

I think I need chocolate or shopping.
Perhaps shopping for chocolate????

Lazy Sunday & the beginning of a new week

Another Lazy day. I guess we were due. We haven't had NOTHING to do on a weekend in eons.

We all sort of did our own thing today. Watched some movies, did some webkinz, played some other pc games.

I did leave the house - I went grocery shopping. I had to.
I am going to try to make dinners. We have been ordering out so often. Everything is going up in price. It is costing $50 now to fill the mini-van! Of course, the salary did not go up to accommodate $3.20 a gallon gas or $4.29 a gallon milk. So I have to do something. I'll start with trying to make dinners.

Its not that I dislike cooking. I just get in from work and really need a few minutes to unwind. But I rarely get it. I try. But I will try harder, get over the hump, and move forward.

A friend of mine is looking to change her bad habits. She has even gotten back into her scrapbooking. If only i can get some areas organized so I can have space to do the same. I'm hoping her achievements will be inspiration from me.

So dinner tomorrow will be the crock meal I have been wanting to do for a bit. Which means I just need a few minutes in the morning to get it started and it can cook all day.

I know I accomplished a bit this weekend but there always seems so much to do that did not get down. I need to learn to accept the small steps and pat myself on the back. Not to just look at what did not get done.

Here's to a new week......

Lazy, Rainy, Saturday

A rainy Saturday. It did clear up but we never left the house.
Softball had "field clean up day" and a practice but it was raining in the morning and hence they were cancelled.

So a lazy day at home. I think I even found the top of my kitchen table!!!

Did a bunch of Webkinz things today and made a ton of webkinz money. Too bad it isn't real! LOL
Cleaned up some toys too.
Watched Alvin and the Chipmunks. It was very cute. DD loved it.
I should be sewing, or crocheting.
But instead, I'm at this machine, trying to get back into Webkinz but the servers seem full.
Maybe I should put a movie in and crochet.

I should have run to the grocery store.... I'm having an IceCream craving.....

ttfn

Becoming a proud Softball Momma

DD is signed up for Instructional Softball. She has been very excited.
My DD - who is not quite 5 1/2 - can be quite the Drama Queen. QUITE!
I was so proud of her at practice the other night. She got hit by the ball while she was doing batting practice. Right on her hands. She immediately broke into tears and a loud wail - the shock and sting, I'm sure. Her coach is very good (I do like how he handles the girls) and said "Ok, why don't you go see Mom, let Mom take a look" while he kept the other girls busy with ground balls to the infield.

As my daughter walks from home plate to the dugout opening near first base, about 1/2 there she stops, turns around and says - with no more tears - "It's ok, I want to bat again.".
No drama. She went right back up there and not afraid of the ball.

In the car, she tells me she lied. I asked what she meant. She said it was still hurting and it hurt for a bunch of minutes after but she wanted to go back and bat so she lied it was better.

This is the same girl at Ice Skating who would she was tired of doing drills, say her ankle hurt or she needed a rest but then wanted to be back out there for "free skate".

She made me one proud Momma

WHY DO I DO THIS TO MYSELF??

Every single tax year.
I do it again and again.
and I swear I won't do it again. But I do.
I procrastinate. And it's not like I need to pay in.
We are getting a good sum of money back. Definitely enough to clean up a couple of bills. But do I file on February 1st, when I have all the paperwork? No, that would be easy. That would not be stressful.
Instead, I wait and wait. Last year, I e-filed on like April 13th. This year, I tried to do it earlier this month but now I am taking tomorrow off to track down a few more items that might just increase the refund a bit more.
Yet still, earlier tonite, I was going ballistic because I could not find the paperwork at all.

So I have the software all loaded and the basic info inputted. Hopefully, by tomorrow nite, I'll be all e-filed.....

Happy Birthday, Mom! (I Miss You)

My mother's birthday is March 24th. This would have been her 75th birthday.
I wrote this for her from my daughter who is now 5 1/2. She was only 13 months old when my mom left this earth.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I have pictures of you holding me
When I was very small.
But it’s hard for me to remember
Even one of those times at all.

I’ve been told you loved me a great deal
And I was the twinkle in your eye
But now you’re gone; I only have
pictures to remember you by.

Please know that my Mom misses you
Every single day.
She wishes you were here right now
So she could watch us play.

I’ll never recall your touch or
The smile on your face..
But, Memere, I feel your love
Through my mothers warm embrace.

Happy Easter!

The Bunny.
We went to the mall this morning to see the Big Easter Bunny. My daughter has had her picture taken with this same bunny since she was born in 2002. Some how I simple forgot about going before yesterday and we tried on the way home last night however the line was HUGE and they would not even let anyone get in line since the Bunny had to have his dinner (Why can't he just nibble carrots in between photos, eh?). My goal this morning was to go and be the first in line. Well, that did not happen. We go there and there was a bit of a line but it was moving. So we waited in line - DD played on this interactive video mat while I stood in line with my Dunkin Donuts coffee and a muffin (I did not have time to eat before we left the house).

DD is 5 - almost 5 1/2 right now. She is over 48" tall and weighs just over 60 lbs. According to the growth charts, she is an average 7 year old. So she goes up to Mr. Bunny and climbs in his lap and is practically falling out. She goes back to get another photo and her legs are like here, there and everywhere. Too Funny. The photographer suggests she sits next to the bunny. Alas, my daughter has outgrown laps.

The photo is awesome. But she does not look 5.

And our mall has a play area. We have not gone since before Christmas, I believe. So we hung out to run, jump and socialize for awhile. And of course, found clearance items at Gymboree. And of course new stuffies at Disney (she was behaving so well at the mall, it is hard for me to say NO - especially when they are on sale).

Why do kids have to grow so much, so fast?

I went up to our local outlet stores yesterday and went shopping at Gap Kids. I got 4 outfits for summer. I bought size 8 tops and 6/7 bottoms. They fit - like a sausage casing!! So back I went because I liked the outfits I had put together and had to change it for size 10 tops and 8 bottoms.

She is 5.

But why is it, she is wearing a size 6x pair of pants right now? Different brand, different size. What a pain the garment industry is in regards to size! Why can't there be a uniform set of measurements for size of clothing? Guess it makes too much sense, eh?

TTFM

WEBKINZ & Some things I love about my Daughter

Webkinz World -
My daughter had been given 4 as gifts over the past year and 1/2. She is only 5. I knew it would require a bit more reading than she can handle so I held off loggin her in. We finally did it last weekend. She is having a blast and now I find myself playing Solitaire in "Webkinz World" in order to earn her more Webkinz money!

But as I sit and watch her, I think "hey, I want to decorate a room." So I went and bought myself a Webkinz too. I have not logged me in yet - not sure what name to give myself in that arena. But since we do have more than one computer in the house, this will allow both of us to be on and we can "visit" each others houses.

Yes, I'm a kid at heart if you didn't know that already (gee, what would daughter think if she knew I had about 150 Beanie Babies up in the attic from before she was born???) I make sure I watch cartoons with my daughter. We watch all the disney movies together -- the TV has not been a baby sitter. We enjoy the show and discuss what is going on while we watch.

==============================
Specific things I love about my daughter...
1) Her Laugh
2) Her Eyes
3) Her wanting to make you smile and have fun all the time
4) Her giving me 15 kisses tonite because I went back outside to retrieve the Webkinz bunny from the car.
5) When out of the blue she says "I love you mom".

My Challange Quilt top

Here it is.... My creation for our challange quilt project.

If you would like to see the other creations, you can check out my friend's blog - http://bingaland.blogspot.com/

The Friendly Fabric Challenge

A good friend gave me a 1 yard piece of fabric for Christmas. She also bought a yard for herself and another friend. And she challanged us to make something with it using only 3 other fabrics. An original design or modification to make it an Original.

That is how she worded it but being quilters, the other friend and myself thought "quilting challenge". I did say I wouldn't be able to sandwich and finish a quilt and I was told a quilt top would be good.

Well, only 3 other fabrics was quite a challange for me. I love mixing fabrics. But I did it - and mine is done. And I'd love to post a picture.... but.... someone might see it before the official unveiling of the "Friendly Fabric Challenge" this coming Saturday.

The friend who's idea this was is currently at her computer next to her sewing machine putting finishing touches on a quilt top. I keep getting instant messages as each border is being put on.

The other friend, who prides herself on being done the quickest, has sandwiched it, envelope-style finished it and has tied it.

My top is done also, and I did do something different with it... but I can't tell you know. I must keep the surprise!!

After Saturday I will post pics. Promise.

TTFN

To Shop, To Ramble and then To Sleep....

Well, yesterday ended up being hectic.
First, I heard of a sale at the Liz Claiborne outlet out on Cape Cod. I had to check it out. I was told pants for work were $4.99 a pair. But when would I get there? I decided to take 1/2 a vacation day and off I went with a friend. An hour ride, 2 hours of shopping and an hour ride back. I got 27 items for a grand total of $113! I have not bought clothes like that since before my daughter was born!
Then I go to pick up DD from Pre-kindergarten, she had been complaining her ears hurt. She had a fever the previous week along with a horrible cough. There have been a few horrible viral infections going around her school. So I treated at home and saved a trip to the doctors. Fever left but the cough has been there. Pre-K is near the doctor's office. I called immediately hoping not to have to go home then back out -- but no luck. We came home for an hour and had to go to the doctors office. And sure enough, ear infection.
On top of that, the past two nights, I have had a HORRIBLE time trying to fall asleep. I don't know what it is. It might be because it's been warmer outside and therefore warmer in side and don't really need the blanket. It might be my leg has been achy when I get into bed (but I don't notice it until I get into bed). I feel like I just have not slept much.
Wish me luck Tonight. I hope to fall asleep right away.

Sorry if this seems a bit here, a bit there, a bit everywhere.... but I think it's the lack of sleep controlling my fingers as I type!

What is a Quilter To Do?

I just received an email from Keepsake Quilting. They have a new BOM (block of the month) Club. Look at this quilt -- http://www.keepsakequilting.com/productdetail/4213.htm#.
Even DH just saw it up on my screen and said "Hey, that is really nice.".

But I have 2 1/2 made quilts that I started before DD was born in 2002. My goal is to finish those this year. I also have another block of the month design that I was going to make as a gift in 2002 and then baby came and that was the end of that idea. And I have a few things I wanted to try.

But that BOM is so nice! It is truly gorgeous!

I guess I will go get a towel to mop up the drool......

TTFN
from the one trying to overcome the shopping "gotta have its".....

Rainy Days and Mondays Always Get Me Down

I hate Mondays.
I hate having to go back to work. I wish I enjoyed my job more.

From the time I was 5 or 6, I wanted to be a teacher. That is all I wanted to do. However, I was told repeatedly during my childhood by someone that I highly respected (and looking back now, I’m not sure why I held her opinion so high) that I did not have the patience and would be a horrible teacher. I heard this message many, MANY times in my childhood. So I had a voice in my head (it was her voice) that kept telling me I would be horrible at it.

I graduated high school in 1982 and that year, in my state, there were so many teaching graduates and so few jobs. My high school counselor suggested I investigate other careers because of that.

I fell into computer programming. I had a couple classes in High School. I was good at it and it was easy (though it was on a Radio Shack TRS-80 – also called a TRASH 80 at the time). I picked it as a major in college just to declare one. Fell into a career at a local company (I’ve been there since 1986!). And now it is 22 years later and I just don’t feel fulfilled.

Granted, if I had not followed this path in life, I would not have the good friends I have now. Our paths would have never crossed. I would have never met my husband nor would I have my precious daughter. So I cannot honestly say I wish I never did this.
But I’m not fulfilled.

Last summer, my daughter’s preschool took several field trips. I finagled some vacation time and went on EVERY field trip. I so enjoyed the children. Not just my daughter – who, in fact, refused to sit with me on the bus (she wanted to sit with either a friend or a teacher) – but I enjoyed the interaction.

And contrary to what that person in my life told me, I have a lot of patience. More than I ever knew I had. I see it every day with my daughter and several people have commented on how much I do have with her.

I have it with my husband. He is unable to work due to a back injury and he is in constant pain. So many people have said to me that they don’t know how I deal with it. Some days I don’t know either but I stick with it.

Patience. I do have it.

And I had it when I was at the daycare for those days during the summer. The kids made me feel so good.

I feel too old to totally change jobs now and I could never make the money I make now (which somehow barely makes ends meet). But at 55 I can retire from my company with a pension. I would love to work at a daycare part time. I would so enjoy being an assistant. It’s under 12 years away….

On another note, how do you know you let your child watch too much NIKOLEDON this weekend? When out of the blue, on the way home, she asks if we are going to buy the Debbie Meyer Green bags – since they will keep our fruit longer and let the gases escape….

Weekend is half over.

Why do weekends seem to just fly by? I think we need longer weekends.

I'm on call this weekend for work and they are doing a "disaster recovery" test. I'm hoping I don't have to actually go in but you never know.

Today was DD's last ice skating lesson. She tested last week and got her her first "Learn to Skate" badge. Today was basically a free skate. There are a few sessions available during the spring and summer but the cost is higher than if we wait for September and do the "city lessons" again. Of course now, DD is in love with skating and saying how much she will miss it. So different than 4 or 5 weeks ago when all she did was cry because she just wanted to do "free skate" and not listen to the coaches.

Someone told me that 2's were not terrible, nor were 3's or 4's. They said for some reason girls when they turn 5 - that was the hardest. And so far, I must completely agree. I feel at times I have no clue how to react or what to do next.

I think I will go crochet for a bit. Maybe it'll relax me some.

Sunny, Mid-30's, 2 days after a few inches of Snow - so what do you do? GO SLEDDING!

…and for a 5 year old, you don’t need a very big hill. Sometimes being over 40 you forget how simple things can be so enjoyable. Watching a 5 year old on a small hill and when she stops says “That was the coolest” – well, it just makes you smile and forget the problems in your life.

That is – until the last run. As my daughter is walking back up the hill, another sled-er takes her out. Down she goes. No blood. No bumps. But, I don’t think I have mentioned this yet….my daughter is quite a Drama Queen. So we had our big scene going back to the car to drive home.

Days like today remind me how much you can learn from a 5-yr old.

Some of my Quilting

For someone that loves pictures as much as I do, you might find it hard to believe that my on-line photo albums are not totally up to date for me to share some of my works. But here are a couple I could find quickly.

The top photo was a quilt done by assembling Cross-Stitch pieces together (I was very into Cross Stitching for some time). I was part of an online group and one member (the woman that organized the group in fact) was getting married. So several of us Cross Stitched a Memory-square. The squares ended up sent to me and I quilted them together. I really love how it came out.

This next picture is a quilt I finished in December for a gift. It is just a simple "Trip Around The World" pattern. The person it was for LOVES purple.

I love putting fabrics together. Matching colors. I have not gotten that good at the quilting so mostly I just "Stitch in the Ditch" around the lines. But I'm hoping to work on some more "free form" quilting.

TTFN

Introduction

Well, I have wanted a BLOG of my own for awhile. I feel like there are things I want to say even if no one is listening. But I didn't know what to call it. A good friend came up with this title for me.

Let me explain: All my life, I have had an awesome memory. For facts. For details. I would RARELY ever forget something. When I was in my 30's, I watched a friend with a young daughter and it seemed she could rarely remember anything. I didn't buy the "Mommy Brain" idea. And at 38, I gave birth and since then, I'm lucky I remember my own name! It is amazing to me how my brain seems to need a de-frag nowadays. (And yes, my friend does not fail to point this out to me often..... And have a good laugh at it too!).

I've noticed myself trying to write more tasks down so not to forget. It definitely has helped with my work (I work in an office on a main frame computer).

So, I have Mommy-Brain. I admit it.

I will also admit I have a shopping problem for all my hobbies and probably have enough supplies to open my own shop! That is one of my goals for 2008 - not to buy unless going to be used immediately. No longer stocking up on sale items for the crafts that I have had no time for in the past 5 years.

I guess that is it for my introduction. Glad you stayed to read it to the end. :)
as the infamous Tigger would say -- TTFN - Ta Ta For Now