But Mom, We Can Do ANYTHING If We Try.....

Don't you hate when your child throws your words back at you?!

It has been a lazy, long weekend in our household. I'm still trying to take it easy after the procedure I had done on Wednesday. On Sunday, my daughter asks if we can sew. Well, sewing with a 6 year old is not always an easy task. I had figured our next sewing project would be a pillowcase for her bed. I have several character print fabrics and figured it would be easy and something useful.

I pull out several pieces of fabric and DD picks out a white background Pokemon fabric that has yellow Pikachu's and some other pink Pokemon on it. I figure great - and we'll use a different color fabric - pink - for the cuff of the case.

Well, I start to get everything ready. Get "her" machine out and set up, I iron the fabric. She says she does not want to make a pillowcase. She wants to make a Pikachu. (side note: We took a mother daughter class last year and made a teddy bear out of flannel - sort of shaped more like a gingerbread man cookie). I tell her I don't have any yellow fabric. She does not want yellow fabric, she wants to use the white, print fabric. I tell her it would be really hard to cut it and make it look like Pikachu and, without yellow fabric, it really would not look like Pikachu.

"But Mom, We Can Do ANYTHING If We Try...."

With a heavy sigh, I ask her to draw a photo of what Pikachu would look like.
I then proceeded to cut the fabric.
DD sewed it - with very little guidance from the momma. We then stuffed it - using a chopstick to help push the fiberfill in.

And here is the finished result......

It was a nice way to spend a Sunday afternoon.

I really should blog more....

But I find myself just doing my one sentence on Facebook regularly.
Maybe I feel I should "write" more here - make it like a story perhaps.
But maybe I should change my way of thought and just use this to get things out there.

Life is flying by. February is almost over.
Work is monotonous and I'm tired of it. (If only I had been born rich instead of Beautiful! -- okay, you can stop choking now).
Home situation is the same. Disabled hubby, growing daughter, and me totally out of it by the time evening comes along. I get myself thru the day, I work, get food, make sure bills are paid, make sure everything DD needs is done. Then when she goes to bed, I am usually ready to just go to bed. Its not that it is late - usually 8 pm. I know its part of the Depression. And it bothers me to be like this but I really don't want more medications. Then again, my iron level has been LOW -- they say it could be part of pre-menopause - oh thrill - NOT! Could it just be the iron level? I don't know.

I'm going to try to blog more often. even if it is just my one line from facebook.

Bread and Milk

It's a New England joke. Or at least a Rhode Island one.
If snow is coming, everyone rushes to the grocery store for Bread and Milk. All because of one Blizzard in 1978. So as a storm approaches, the last place you want to be is a place that sells Bread and Milk because all of RI is in there!!

And why is it -- Everytime there is a storm approaching RI, I am out of bread or milk or both!!! So what do I have to do? Go buy Bread and Milk.
And everyone thinks I'm doing it because of "the storm that's a-coming" when in fact, I'm out of one or both items and my daughter requires a PB and J sandwich at least once a day or she'll just melt or explode or something!!!!

Anyway, for those that saw me in a store - buying BREAD and MILK -- I was REALLY OUT of those foods!!!

:)

Christmas Spirit is Alive and Well

Yesterday, we went to a local attraction (Edaville Railroad in Carver, Ma). DH, DD a friend of DD and her father also joined us to experience the lights and train ride. It was a rather chilly evening.

The girls (both 6) were SO excited when we got there. On the train ride, every different light display resulted in a "OH LOOK OVER HERE" and an "AWESOME".

My DD wanted a specific souvenir we had seen many children with. A multi color light up "sword". I didn't see them in the gift shop or anyway. I was standing with my DD alone and I stopped a man who had a young girl that was carrying the sword. I asked where he got it and how much it was. My fear was it was only available as part of the carnival games we saw around. He said there are vendors walking around - which I hadn't noticed - and it is $5. He asked if I only had the one girl. I said we have a friend with us too. He said if I couldn't find a vendor, if you go into the gift shop and ask at the counter, they do have them. I thanked him for the information and went back to talking to my DD - because I thought $5 was a bit much and I really *should* get two - one for our friend too. DD really wanted it and was trying to tell me what she could go without in order to get one.

Before DD and I could leave the spot we were standing in, the man comes over with two swords and says "Merry Christmas". I was touched. DD said thank you. I wished him Happy Holidays. He made my DD's day with that gift.

So, yes, Santa is there - and he shows himself when you least expect it.

Bad Blogger, Bad Blogger

Yes, I am a bad blogger.
I have not been here since the end of August. Life seems just crazy.
I think I'm just going to try to do posts of many little things.
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Today, my DD who is now 6 (can you believe that??) is sitting in the back of the mini van playing with two dolls. She is pretending school. I hear "There are 6 in the class" and that they are practicing for a singing show. Then all of a sudden, DD says "Mom??" -- Which if you have a 6 year old, you know sometimes hearing that just makes you want to change your name because they say it over, and over, and over, and over, and over....... well, you get the picture.
So I say "Yes, honey". And she responds "Mom, I love you."
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Christmas is like 40-something days away! UGHHHHHHHHHHHH
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Junie B. Jones is an awesome book series. If you have not checked it out, do so IMMEDIATELY!
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Last week, DD said she wanted to be a teacher when she grows up.
Yesterday it was President and she would call a meeting and tell everyone that everything is free except for cars (1 cent each) and houses (2 cents each).
Today, at school, they did an art project of what they wanted to be. Today it is a "Police Girl" that will catch all the bad guys.
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A few weeks ago, DD wanted to be a director and make up the stories like "Clone Wars" but with a different girl character. Then when I told her to tell her dad what she wanted to be and why, her answer was "a director so I can tell everyone what to do." :)
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My house is a mess - seems worst than usual. There is not enough hours in a day when you work full time. Oh why could i have been born rich instead of beautiful??? (okay, you can stop choking on that one now).

More to come -- sooner -- I promise.

Growing Up

Why do your children grow so fast?

I sit here - in two days, my daughter starts Kindergarten. She is staying at the same school as she did for Pre-K and day care so there is no change there. She has been at this place since she was 18 months old. We know the teachers, she is comfortable there. I feel secure with her there.

But here I am, thinking this is a GIANT MILESTONE in my little one's life.

She is growing so fast. She wanted her cut short - and it makes her look like she's 8 or 9! Well, until she smiles and she has no teeth - the other top tooth fell out a couple days ago. So we officially have no upper front teeth.

She acts so grown up. She puts things together you would never think of. She has started reading.

And today, as we did crafts, she turns to me and says "Is Santa Real?". Caught me off guard. My response "Well, what do you think? He brought you presents last Christmas, right?". She says yes and I think she is no longer questioning it. But I wonder what brought this up? Is she already doubting it on her own? We were watching a Scooby Doo movie (that had nothing to do with Christmas and doing Perler bead ornaments for family members for Christmas -- so perhaps that is why Christmas was on the mind.

Later this afternoon, I took her to the playground at the park. She played with a large group of kids - mostly older than her by a couple of years. The group consisted of all ethnic groups. I was proud watching her play with them because they were all children who wanted to play and nothing else matter. Just goes to show you prejudice is a learned trait.

My baby is growing up.

Creativity Feels GOOD!

It feels good to have the "creativity" juices flowing.
I have been scrapping again. I got a few pages done at home and today, I took a vaca day from work and went to a crop at the local shop with a friend. It really does feel good to be creative.

Search for colors. Look at designs. Play with layouts. And when you are done, you have an heirloom to remember something special by.

I'm working on pictures from our DisneyWorld trip in December 2007. I'm working on the autographs - I'm taking them out of the autograph book and scrapping them onto 8x8 pages along with photos, stickers, etc.

I wish I could find more time to go to crops. It was great to be creative and have fun with new scrapping friends.

Just a Weekend.

What a weekend!
We had our first Soccer practice/scrimmage. DD did great! No attitude when she missed or did not run as fast as the others. When the "guest" coach (the actual soccer player from Europe - Oh WHAT AN ACCENT!) asked basic questions, guess who answered them all? Yes, my "shy" DD. LOL
From there we went directly to a birthday swimming b-day party/afternoon. Our friend had two parties actually - one for the school friends, one for the family. We caught only the very end of the school party and then stayed for the family one (even helped move stuff back home in the van).
Needless to say, this meant we left the house at 11 am and got home at 8 pm.

Today, we had the Softball League "banquet" -- which was really a picnic since they had 356 girls participating in the league. Hamburgs, hotdogs, macaroni salad, pasta salad, chips and watermelon. And they charged $15 per person. Luckily, players are free and as an assistant coach, I got the second "team" free ticket. DD did not know there was going to be trophies. I wanted to surprise her. Of course, this almost backfired....
She was still exhausted from yesterday. And that meant she was miserable this morning. The picnic/banquet started at 11 am. I also have coverage for work and was working on problems from about 7:30 am to 10:20 am. So me feeling we have to rush (shower and still get ready) and her overtired, well, it was a horrible scene. She didn't want to go because she got a new Leapster game yesterday and she was so into playing it this morning. I told her some of her teammates would be there but she didn't care. I know it was overtired and trying to overcontrol -- but still. I told her there was a surprise at the banquet. Told her perhaps a present. When she saw the table of trophies she was a bit in awe and when she ever got hers, she was ecstatic! The smile was ear to ear.

We came home and she went into the pool while dad work outside.
I needed alone time.
Quiet time.
I had all intentions of going in the pool in a bit. I went into the bedroom, turned on the a/c, cooled off and thought I'd watch a show and then go outside - but I fell asleep.
When I awoke, she was done swimming.

I feel like I did not get "rest" time this weekend. Perhaps next weekend.....

5 Year Old Loses 5th Tooth.... At Camp

Yes, DD lost yet another tooth. In one year she has lost 5 teeth! DH seems concerned but I know I had lost several by the time I was her age also.

For some reason, this made me sad. I'm not sure why. Perhaps the lost of another tooth indicates that she is truly growing up and she's not my baby anymore. She is getting so tall that it is getting harder to snuggle with her in a chair. She must be over 50" tall now. She talks so well - has such deep thoughts at time. She has started reading (Mind you, she has not started Kindergarten yet). She even uses deductive reasoning.

Your kids grow up and it's supposed to be a good thing. But it does leave a sad spot.

"It's Okay, Don't Worry About It".... NOT

I heard myself utter these words the other day. And I really didn't mean it. But I didn't want the person to feel bad. But it hurts not to be remembered.

No wonder men have such a problem understanding us women.

I'm talking about my wedding anniversary. It was Friday. Last year, both hubby and I forgot the date. Life is just too hectic sometimes. When he realized he missed the date, I think he was ready for me to be mad but how could I? I had forgotten it too.

Perhaps forgotten is the wrong word. With life feeling hectic and days just blending one into another, I had not realized we were at August 15th.

This year, I did *notice* the date a couple days before. I went and got DH a card and a gift card. That morning, he says "Aren't you a day early? It's tomorrow, isn't it?" I tell him no. He apologizes for not having anything and I say "It's Okay, Don't Worry About It.".

Did I say it because I mean it? No, I said it to hide my hurt and to not make him feel worst than he already was. I could tell from his apology he felt bad about it.

Every person wants to be remembered. Be thought of. Not necessarily by a present but shown the thoughtfulness that makes a person feel special.

Too bad we can't just say that outright.

Tooth Number 4 - GONE - and other stuff

Yes, yet another tooth has left.
Thursday evening just before bed time, another of DD's tooth decided to come out. Boy oh boy - I give the Tooth Fairy credit. She probably has her route all laid out and then at 8pm, out comes another tooth for a boy or girl. Now she has to juggle her schedule to get to everyone that night. Glad I don't have her job.

I have been on vacation from work for a week and 1/2 and I really don't want to go back on Monday but unless I win the lottery tonight, I guess I won't have a choice. I should have married for money. It might not "buy" happiness but it could sure make things easier.

On vacation, DD, our good friend Kiki and her DD went away to NH to a yarn conference. We took a couple of classes and my DD behaved while I was in class. We also did Canobie Lake Park. That was a great day. It wasn't too hot or humid. There is an awesome breeze throughout the park. We got back mid-week but I still took days off of work. Of course I had visions of grandeur of things I could get done but all i have done is play with DD and take her places. I know - she is this age only once. And I waited so long for her that I want to spend time with her but then when do I get anything accomplished? I guess I just can't juggle well.

Don't Intentions Count??

I have good intentions. I just don’t always finish what I plan.
For example, a friend of mine just had a baby on Monday. They had tried for a while to get pregnant again and when she finally let me know, I was so happy for her. She also has a five year old. So, I go right out for Congratulations on being Pregnant cards – one for the mom and dad and another card that I was going to add something about congratulations you are becoming a big sister. So that was 9 months ago.

The cards are still here. In my house. Waiting to be filled out.

Now intentions, the thought, is supposed to be what is good, important.
However, in this situation, the intended recipient had no clue I had “intentions”.

I used to be on top of things like that. Buy a card, write it out, get it in the mail. But now…

I’ll blame the mommy brain.

I find things all over the house. Things I bought for a specific person then totally forgot about the gift and why I bought it. Sometimes I do remember buying it but have no clue where I put it.

But my “intentions” were good. Really they were.

According to Webster’s, “intention” can be defined as what one intends to do or bring about. I intend so much.

I have projects – crochet ones, quilt ones – that were supposed to be for people like 8 years ago. I got all the supplies. Some I may have started, some I have not. But none are done and none of the intended recipients know I had thought of them.

I wish "intentions" counted for more.

If I only knew then what I know now....

THEN...
I would have ignored everyone in my life and I would have gone to college to be a teacher.
But I was told many times by a very significant person in my life that I would never be a good educator. That I didn't have patience. For children or for "teaching".

NOW....
Those who have seen me with my 5 year old tell me how much patience I have. I don't view it as "patience" as much as always trying to understand where my child is coming from. That is what I think I have - a knack to understand someone else. In this case, understand my child.

Last summer, I used up my vacation time at work by accompanying my daughters pre-K class on field trips once a week. I so loved the experience. It felt so rewarding. My daughters teacher seemed please to have me there. I would discipline if I blatantly saw something but otherwise I would just help out in the classroom until the bus arrived and then had fun on the trips themselves. One day I brought in a story to read. The kids loved it. And so did I. It is so nice when I child is looking up at you - respecting you because you earned their respect, enjoy laughing at you when you try to be funny, enjoy the fact you "listen" to what they have to say.

The past couple of months, I've been helping coach. Again, I really did love it. I didn't love making batting orders, field positions. I loved the interaction with the girls. Earning their respect. Having them say at practice "Yes! I'm with Coach Diane". It felt great.

So I think I have proved myself with children.

AND ALSO NOW....
At work, we are hiring interns. They need to be trained. One subject in particular is something I thoroughly enjoy working with. This product is awesome in my opinion and I was asked to take over the training since the woman that did it last year is no longer there. Of course I said yes - I love to get up and spiel and explain things that I know (alright, I'll admit it -- I really love sniffing those whiteboard markers ). But it has been quite awhile in my current job position since I have had the opportunity to train. So I asked for a "test group" to practice with before having the interns.

The first session was yesterday. The previous person covered 4 topics in like 4 hours. Well I'm only about 60% done with one topic and that took me 2 hours. And I will probably use up 2 more hours tomorrow. I may get to cover part of the second topic -- but I'm not guaranteeing it.

I was actually nervous about this training yesterday. The first 1/2 hour I could feel my heart beating in my chest. But then I got over it. One person in the test group - well, I saw him at lunch time today. He said it was the best training he has had and thinks everyone should have it. I told him about feeling my heart beating as I started the training. He said it didn't show.

So now the handful of "guinea pigs" I had for training have been talking around the department and people are ASKING to have my training. I cannot explain the sense of pride this is giving me. If you could only see the smile on my face as I type this!!

And I think this proves I would have been a good teacher. Again, I think it is the same thing that makes me good at this as it is with children -- the ability to understand where my audience is coming from. To be able to speak to them, not at them. To explain in basic terms and then expand on it so the point is understood.

So I am here tonight, needing to get DD to bed. Feeling very good about training and work.

And also feeling good because a good friend sent me a nice "thank you" note for just being there to listen to her lately.

It is nice to feel good.

I will miss you George

I heard it on the radio this morning and did not want to believe it. George Carlin died.


DH and I saw him live years ago and it was one of the best performances we ever went to. Everything George had to say was so true but he had a way of making you think another way about it. In fact, I saw he was scheduled to come to the area at the end of July and was going to ask DH to go (but getting him to go to anything with a crowd is major nowadays). And now George is gone.


If you haven't seen it, check out George's book "Brain droppings". It's sort of a blog of sorts before blogs were big. Brain droppings, miscellaneous ramblings. But he always had a point to make.

I always thought that if you could choose someone famous to have coffee and talk to, George was definitely on my list.

Time is flying

I can't believe its been a week since I was here. Since then....

• My DD graduated from Pre-K
• We had two birthday parties - one Saturday, one Sunday. Both were outside in like 90-something weather with like a 100% humidity. The air was miserable. But luckily both hosts brought out the hose and the kids had fun.
• We had the last 2 softball games for the regular season. Playoffs now. (Our team is all new girls. It's double elimination. I don't think we'll make many rounds. Other teams have girls that have played for 3 years. Then can hit very well, field very well, throw very well.)

Tomorrow, I'm hoping to be home ALONE so I can really accomplish some things. Like my clothes and lack of closet space... actually it's not a lack, I just don't have ANY closet of my own. I was hoping to use this small, small room as a walk-in but I don't have time to do anything with "Mom, Mom" every other minute. And a giant pile is in the bedroom and if I start to tackle it, then DH naps in the afternoon (due to the sleep apnea and the strong pain meds he has) so then I have to stop while I'm on a roll................. But first before I can begin, I must take DD to a practice for Softball. Then they will leave, I will go grab lunch and I want to hit one fabric store I never get to.... then it'll be CLEAN OUT THE "WALK IN CLOSET"

I'll ramble more later....

Receipt required for return....

That seems to be the new philosophy of stores. No returns without a receipt.

I work next to a major Discount store. Their policy is posted.
Returns within 90 days with Receipt accepted.

I shop there often usually during lunchtime. I'll buy DVD's when I find them on sale. I do not open them until I am going to watch them. This maybe something we shouldn't do -- let them sit there unopened. Monday night, went to open "The Princess Bride Anniversary Edition". I bought this awhile ago - maybe 3 weeks, maybe 3 months. The disc inside was purple but just loaded it in the player. Did not think twice about it. It didn't work. Looking at the disc again, the disc did not have a picture or even a title on it. In fact, all it said was TDK DVD-R. Looked like a disc you can buy to use when burning your own discs. Oh great - I was not positive which store I bought it at. But there was a good chance I did buy it at the store near work. I use their store charge card and get a 10% rebate occasionally. So I do tend to buy my DVD's there when on sale.

I mentioned my dilemma at work and a couple of co-workers were like -- "Good Luck with that! They are a pain to return things to.". Why did they say that? Personal experience -- they did try to return something -- BUT THEY DID NOT HAVE A RECEIPT. No. One person said he just wanted a different size but with no receipt, they did not accommodate.

Still, I figure I am going to try. However, my receipts are here, there, and everywhere. But I figured I'd go looking. Then it dawned on me. the sign in the store says if you don't have your receipt but have the charge card you used, they can find the "receipt" for you.

So at lunch today, I go to the store. I explain I buy DVD's on sale and that I'm 99% sure I bought it at that store but it might be months ago. I show the problem. She takes my store charge card, scans it. She scans the DVD and VOILA - there is the record that I did purchase that DVD at that store. Even exchange - no problem.

Why do people blame the system when they are not following the rules themselves? Look at how easy of a time I had because I went knowing the rules and followed them. Those that do not follow the rules then gripe when they can't get something accomplished. But the rules are there for a reason. It's not to just fill up a sign. They are the rules. How come so many people don't seem to understand that??

Presidential Politics (Sorry, long post.....)

...but it is important.
Since it seems this is all there is in the news lately, I figured I’d jump on the band wagon and express my opinion.

Your vote does not count. Sorry to break the news…. At least in presidential elections, that is.....

I think our fore-fathers would be rolling in their graves if they knew what was going on.
If they understood and knew about our technology today, they would abolish the Electoral College. It was an idea that made sense back in the 1700’s but not now. Not with the information highway and text messaging and websites on our phones.

The Electoral College, my understanding of it, was established in order to determine who was elected president. How could everyone get there vote to the capitol though? The United States was growing. There were no automobiles. No planes, no trains. So what do you do? Can’t have the whole community get in a wagon and ride to cast a vote. So you elect a delegate to go and place your vote for you. Decide how many delegates an area has by the population. The delegate is supposed to then go and place the vote for the candidate the people back home want. This way just the delegates could travel to the capital and there could be one meeting to count the votes and – ta-da – a new president is elected.

Fast forward – The year is 2000.
The national results of the presidential election according to Wikipedia.com –
George W. Bush received 50,456,002 votes by American Citizens.
Al Gore received 50,999,897 votes by the voting public.
So, based on the popular vote, Al Gore should have been sworn in as president.
But because of how the delegates are allocated across the country, George W. Bush was named president (Bush received 271 delegates while Gore received 266). So any body out there that voted for Al Gore, did your vote matter? No. Does that reflect your opinion, your choice? Nope.

Democracy? I don’t think so. My vote did not count in the scheme of things.

Now let’s look at present day.
The democrats are still trying to decide on a nominee. Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama are fighting it out. Should they be?
According to the individual votes – the popular votes – from the primaries so far, Obama is ahead (see www.realclearpolitics.com or www..usaelectionpolls.com ). What I found is this --

Popular Vote Total for Democratic Primary so far:
Obama == 17,535,458
Clinton == 17,493,836

Oh wait – maybe you heard Hillary say *she* has the lead in the popular vote. Well that is only if exclude the caucus states and just toss the opinion of the residents in these states away. Yes, ignore these states and then Hillary is ahead in the count. (Isn’t it amazing how you can look at numbers, exclude the ones you don’t like and then claim VICTORY!?).

But it goes by delegates. And according to the current delegate count for the states, Obama is ahead.

So how can Clinton believe she can win? Oh, there are now “super delegates” that can vote. They can decide to put Clinton in as the Democratic nominee to face McCain in November. The “super delegates” can claim they believe Clinton would be better for the Democratic Party then Obama.
Hmmmm, what about the popular votes?
The votes you and I cast at the primaries? The votes that are supposed to be used to put the candidate we want, we the American People, want in the election? Does our vote matter? Does it count if these “super delegates” can just basically veto our vote?

It is a shame that I sit here thinking my vote does not count. I do believe it matters in local politics. Yes, my vote is heard and reflected in who wins City Council or Governor in my state. Yes my vote is heard for my state’s senators and my state’s representative in the house.

But as for president, my vote does not matter. I live in RI where we get 4 measly electoral votes. The candidates don’t usually even stop here to campaign. Only 4 votes.

What would George Washington, Alexander Hamilton, Benjamin Franklin, James Madison and the rest of the “delegates” at the Constitutional convention in 1787 think???

Best made plans.... are not....

Sometimes going with the flow is better.
I had envisioned a weekend of accomplishing things. Nothing on my list is done.
The long weekend is over. But it was a fun time.

DD didn't even want to go to the parade. She wanted to go to the big playground at the local park. We went for almost 2 hours. Stopped for coffee and donuts and went and ate there. I brought softball paper work to do. But she made some friends, played around in the sun, got great exercise.

We got home and she went on the computer while I finished the softball work and watched "Fraiser" on DVD (how I love that show!!). Then she was willing to watch "The Muppet Show" (another of my favs) but I think it was because she just wanted to share time with me.

We played outside yesterday - catch and a bit of soccer. We played Uno (it's actually "My First Uno with Pooh" - it is only about 50 cards and just a wild card and draw 2 - no draw 4, no skips). We played Uno more today -- and I swear she inherited my mother's ability to play the game!!! I have not mentioned strategy to her at all - but she had saved 3 wild cards for the end of one game to ensure she could just go right out!!

How I wish I had even more time to spend like this with my daughter. She'll only be this age once. The messy house can just wait.

Last night as she went to bed - mind you, her bedroom is not "finished". There are baskets of laundry and buckets of storage stuff on one half. But last nite, as she was going to bed, she said "I love my room". I think she meant she loves the "love" in the house. And that is the only thing that needs not be "messy"! The rest of the mess just doesn't matter.

...and now the weekend is flying by too.

Here we are 1/2 way through the 3 day holiday weekend.
And where is here?
My plan had been to try to be alone in the house for one day and attempt to get a bunch of things accomplished.
But Saturday we had Softball practice then met our good friend for dinner and went around the mall. Got DD new sneakers - size 1 and she is 5 1/2 yrs old. That seems awfully big to me! Took our time, did the kids play area, did the jumpy mat. Got Auntie Anne's cinnamon pretzel sticks.

Sunday, DH slept late - very late -- and by the time he was done shower and all it was 1pm. Too late for him to head with DD to his mothers. In the morning DD and I played a little barbies (I hate playing barbies) and then I talked her into playing Uno (we have "My First Uno" deck - just a draw 2 card and a plain wild. Works great for learning!). I did enjoy that. then we started to watch a movie when DH was finally ready to face the day. I ran out for McD's and we ate outside - on our new table and under our new umbrella. Played a bit of catch with DD and now set up her Soccer/Hockey goal we had bought for Christmas and then forgot to pull it out on Christmas Eve. I just left them outside. I am so NOT a sun person. I had enough sun now. So in I came.

I know DH wants her to be more active but I can't stay out in the sun like that.

And for Monday's holiday - there's a parade not to far, and we missed the St. Patrick's Day one so I think we should go - but then that will shoot my idea of a day alone right out the window.

I wish I had more energy. I wish I didn't feel lost sometimes in depression. I wish I had more hours where I could be home doing things.

Where did the week go?

Time really does fly by. How does it do that?
How can it be Saturday already?

Today, we had a practice for softball. Another team was practicing too so we got together for a scrimmage. It was fun. But at first, I could feel my anxiety going right up -- why? Because I didn't have my Clipboard. I did not have a batting order list. I did not have a plan for who could play where in the field. I had to wing it. And wing it scares me. Why? I'm worried about being critiqued. Being judged - especially badly/poorly. If i spend an hour with my paper work and try the hardest I can and then someone questions it, I can say, "Hey, i go over this stuff and over it again. I'm trying to be fair all around and get everyone in every position. If you think you can do better, you do it." But today, I was winging it. I had spent no time preparing. Ok - I made it through. I got the the girls in different positions on the field. I remembered the batting order I made up. I had to let go the anxiety. I did it. It just was not easy to do.