Another Sunday

And only relaxing really accomplished. It is hard to work all day, want to spend time with your child and get things done around the house. If something has to give, for me, then it's the house.
Life is to short to fret the dust.... And the clutter... And the Laundry....

So today is another Sunday - but I do have this week off of work. My company is VERY generous and gives us a half day on the day before Thanksgiving and then the entire Friday off too. It's great for "black friday" shopping!!

DD and I had sort of a dance session in the living room. I can't believe it but she knows the party dances from school - like the Macarena. In fact she knows them better then me. oh! I feel old! I haven't been dancing in YEARS and YEARS now and she's better than me.

We played a few different games and we just spent a little over an hour reading books. I am reading chapter books to her by Barbara Park about a character Junie B. Jones. These books are AWESOME! They make us both laugh.

well, off to eat something then I do have to run to get bread for tomorrow's peanut butter and jelly lunch! :)

Tooth Number 4 - GONE - and other stuff

Yes, yet another tooth has left.
Thursday evening just before bed time, another of DD's tooth decided to come out. Boy oh boy - I give the Tooth Fairy credit. She probably has her route all laid out and then at 8pm, out comes another tooth for a boy or girl. Now she has to juggle her schedule to get to everyone that night. Glad I don't have her job.

I have been on vacation from work for a week and 1/2 and I really don't want to go back on Monday but unless I win the lottery tonight, I guess I won't have a choice. I should have married for money. It might not "buy" happiness but it could sure make things easier.

On vacation, DD, our good friend Kiki and her DD went away to NH to a yarn conference. We took a couple of classes and my DD behaved while I was in class. We also did Canobie Lake Park. That was a great day. It wasn't too hot or humid. There is an awesome breeze throughout the park. We got back mid-week but I still took days off of work. Of course I had visions of grandeur of things I could get done but all i have done is play with DD and take her places. I know - she is this age only once. And I waited so long for her that I want to spend time with her but then when do I get anything accomplished? I guess I just can't juggle well.

Making time for kids & having to tag along

In 5 ½ years, my daughter has….

• Taken dance lessons for 2 years
• Performed in 3 dance recitals, including one in Hershey Park in Hershey, PA
• Taken a gymnastics class
• Taken swim classes
• Taken ice skating lessons
• Took part in Girls Instructional Softball
• Has been to Disney and stayed on the monorail (and we won’t be doing that again any time soon $$$$)
• Has been to Sesame Park in Langhorne, Pennsylvania 3 times

I sit here and realize she did more in 5 1/2 years than I did in my first 18 years of life.

And I do know why. My mom did not drive and she was busy with her life. Anytime I asked to become involved in something I was told either she couldn't drive me, it cost too much (which we definitely had middle-income for back in the 70's), or I would hear "You won't stick with it.".

I think I know the real reason. My mom was too busy figuring out her life she didn't want to be committed to something. She didn't want to commit the time to get me somewhere every week at a specific time. She wanted to keep her calendar open in case something came along. And though some my say I was spoiled rotten, I did not get what I wanted. I didn't get to do things I wanted.

Having your child involved in activities takes alot of time. Planning. Even what will we have for dinner because we have to be at the field at 6:00. You cannot put yourself first if your child is involved in something. Well, I guess you could and not have your child participate for every instance but then what is that showing them? It is okay to say "I'll do it" and then not. No, no, no. That would not be good.

So I have signed my DD up for whatever she has asked for and I bring her to everything. I'm glad she has interests and I hope she discovers something she really, truly, and deeply enjoys to continue with.

I have one bad habit with my DD. I always ask her if she wants to go with me out - like say shopping. If not, as long as DH is home (well, he's always home :) ) and awake, she can stay home. I believe this is also from my childhood. My mom did not drive. She had to walk everywhere. My dad worked 6 days a week as a mechanic. There was no one to watch me so I had to go everywhere with my mom. To the corner store, to unemployment when she got laid off, to her work (she cleaned houses for people), I even had to go with her to a bar when my parents separated. I didn't like it but there was no choice. And I believe on some level I hold a grudge about having to tag along everywhere. So therefore, if at all possible, I will ensure my DD wants to be with me and not just drag her with me.

Amazing how our childhood can affect us, eh?

If I only knew then what I know now....

THEN...
I would have ignored everyone in my life and I would have gone to college to be a teacher.
But I was told many times by a very significant person in my life that I would never be a good educator. That I didn't have patience. For children or for "teaching".

NOW....
Those who have seen me with my 5 year old tell me how much patience I have. I don't view it as "patience" as much as always trying to understand where my child is coming from. That is what I think I have - a knack to understand someone else. In this case, understand my child.

Last summer, I used up my vacation time at work by accompanying my daughters pre-K class on field trips once a week. I so loved the experience. It felt so rewarding. My daughters teacher seemed please to have me there. I would discipline if I blatantly saw something but otherwise I would just help out in the classroom until the bus arrived and then had fun on the trips themselves. One day I brought in a story to read. The kids loved it. And so did I. It is so nice when I child is looking up at you - respecting you because you earned their respect, enjoy laughing at you when you try to be funny, enjoy the fact you "listen" to what they have to say.

The past couple of months, I've been helping coach. Again, I really did love it. I didn't love making batting orders, field positions. I loved the interaction with the girls. Earning their respect. Having them say at practice "Yes! I'm with Coach Diane". It felt great.

So I think I have proved myself with children.

AND ALSO NOW....
At work, we are hiring interns. They need to be trained. One subject in particular is something I thoroughly enjoy working with. This product is awesome in my opinion and I was asked to take over the training since the woman that did it last year is no longer there. Of course I said yes - I love to get up and spiel and explain things that I know (alright, I'll admit it -- I really love sniffing those whiteboard markers ). But it has been quite awhile in my current job position since I have had the opportunity to train. So I asked for a "test group" to practice with before having the interns.

The first session was yesterday. The previous person covered 4 topics in like 4 hours. Well I'm only about 60% done with one topic and that took me 2 hours. And I will probably use up 2 more hours tomorrow. I may get to cover part of the second topic -- but I'm not guaranteeing it.

I was actually nervous about this training yesterday. The first 1/2 hour I could feel my heart beating in my chest. But then I got over it. One person in the test group - well, I saw him at lunch time today. He said it was the best training he has had and thinks everyone should have it. I told him about feeling my heart beating as I started the training. He said it didn't show.

So now the handful of "guinea pigs" I had for training have been talking around the department and people are ASKING to have my training. I cannot explain the sense of pride this is giving me. If you could only see the smile on my face as I type this!!

And I think this proves I would have been a good teacher. Again, I think it is the same thing that makes me good at this as it is with children -- the ability to understand where my audience is coming from. To be able to speak to them, not at them. To explain in basic terms and then expand on it so the point is understood.

So I am here tonight, needing to get DD to bed. Feeling very good about training and work.

And also feeling good because a good friend sent me a nice "thank you" note for just being there to listen to her lately.

It is nice to feel good.

National Tear Day? I wonder

It was one of those days. Felt very emotional, on the edge. And, no, it is not PMS.
Feed up with alot of aspects of Life - things at work, personal things. Never seem to get ahead. Try to be responsible at work and then panic at things - this of course while others sleep at their desk or take a 1/2 hour long distance phone call twice a day.
So I spent a couple of hours this morning just trying to hold it together, to not just be crying.
I get thru the day. I go to pick up DD at Pre-kindergarten/day care.
Find out she also has been quick to tears ALL day too.
So, is it in the air or what?

One thing that is weighing on the back of my brain is the fact my counselor of years moved to another state. It is just short of an hour from my house. But with the schedule as it is, the only day I could feasibly go is on a Saturday. So then if something comes up and i need to reschedule, it's a whole week before i can go again.
She used to be down the street from work. I'd go at lunch time, get everything out, feel like I let it all go and go back to work -- not taking anything away from my motherhood duties. But the distance just was not going to work. So this past Saturday, I told her I would have to find someone more local.
She totally understood. But starting over is scary. And there was only one person she personally knew that she could recommend - but that person only has hours a couple days a week. ugh - I'm not looking forward to starting over.

She also told me she was proud of me. How far I've come in the time she has known me. How she admires my strength, how strong I am. How large of a heart I have. Gee, even as I write this, tears are flowing. I'm not strong. I feel like I'm on the edge, on the fragile fence and can fall over at any time. I try to just do, to do for my daughter. And I keep on going for her. And as soon as she is in bed, I feel myself shut down. The depression seems to grow without her smiley face right there.
One day, my counselor complemented me on my work outfit, how i look "together". I laughed, explained how i make sure my clothes are machine wash tumble dry and how this stuff was pulled from a pile and i shook out the wrinkles. I can pull myself together when I 'have to' but inside I don't feel together.

I guess that is what is getting me - being called "proud" and told she "admired" my strength. Because I don't feel strong.
And being called strong makes me realize how un-strong I am.

Introduction

Well, I have wanted a BLOG of my own for awhile. I feel like there are things I want to say even if no one is listening. But I didn't know what to call it. A good friend came up with this title for me.

Let me explain: All my life, I have had an awesome memory. For facts. For details. I would RARELY ever forget something. When I was in my 30's, I watched a friend with a young daughter and it seemed she could rarely remember anything. I didn't buy the "Mommy Brain" idea. And at 38, I gave birth and since then, I'm lucky I remember my own name! It is amazing to me how my brain seems to need a de-frag nowadays. (And yes, my friend does not fail to point this out to me often..... And have a good laugh at it too!).

I've noticed myself trying to write more tasks down so not to forget. It definitely has helped with my work (I work in an office on a main frame computer).

So, I have Mommy-Brain. I admit it.

I will also admit I have a shopping problem for all my hobbies and probably have enough supplies to open my own shop! That is one of my goals for 2008 - not to buy unless going to be used immediately. No longer stocking up on sale items for the crafts that I have had no time for in the past 5 years.

I guess that is it for my introduction. Glad you stayed to read it to the end. :)
as the infamous Tigger would say -- TTFN - Ta Ta For Now